Dreams and Navy Boy

I had a dream last night that was unbelievably realistic. Most of my dreams are pretty realistic, but this one was out of control. I was dreaming that I had a boyfriend who loved me so much, and I felt the same about him. This is going to sound so cheesy and pathetic, but I could hold onto his arm when I was sacred, he would be super affectionate to me, and I just felt safe and happy.

Then I woke up and reality hit. I don’t have a boyfriend who is like this, turns out, I don’t have a boyfriend at all. And although I woke up and the feeling of having that person was gone, I was still in a good mood because I know, one day, I will find that person. There is a little part of me that is TERRIFIED of not ever finding someone, but most of the time I truly believe I will. I haven’t had a ‘real’ boyfriend in a year and a half. I have had spurts, i.e. Dru, but nothing solid. I really want to find someone who loves my company as much as I love theirs.

Maybe this is all on the heels of Navy Boy. He is supposed to get back into NC today. He graduated OCS on Friday and is now officially a Naval Officer! I’m super proud of him for getting through it all but I’m definitely nervous. He will be here for at least a week and a half, but could stay until June 29 (when he has to report to flight school in Pensacola). If he stays in NC all the way until then, he will have negative vacation days and have to work a ton to earn them back. When I talked to him Sunday it sounded like he wasn’t going to take the full amount of time.

Also, I’m nervous because we haven’t been talking as much as we have in the past weeks. I definitely understand that I was an emotional crutch going into this thing because I was a girl who he had a lot in common with right when he left. I was someone he could talk to for hours besides his parents and guy friends (who would probably give him hell for some of the things he said – haha). So yeah, I realize that, but I guess I’m hoping that we get along for better reasons than that. I was hoping we actually got along because we enjoyed each other.

I am kind of realizing now that he won’t be around for 3 months, so there isn’t really a great chance of this turning into anything. At most he will be here for 20 days then go off to Florida. Turning a friendship into a relationship from 725 miles away is virtually impossible. But I’m not completely ruling anything out. We haven’t set a definite time to get together while he is here, but I’m assuming something will work out. I am waiting until that happens to really determine what I think the future holds for us. If we hit it off and things go great, I will continue to have hope. If things are mediocre, I will understand that we are just meant to be friends and that will be that.

Also, I’m a big believer in the phrase ‘what is meant to be will be’ so I’m just going to let that carry me through this situation and not stress too much.

A Post About Nothing...Something?

I have nothing to post about today. My mind isn't working well. I woke up to a sunny beautiful day, but I didn't want to get out of bed. I was dreaming about a really hot guy from my personal selling class. Sigh. But here I am at work, bored, like most days.

I had a phone interview for a job I'm pretty sure I don't want yesterday. It went well, I think. I wonder if he could tell I wasn't that interested? Oh well...bragging about yourself and not feeling bad about it is always fun.

Oh...I know what I can talk about! I had a really weird Friday night this past weekend. Remember The Neighbor? Well, after meeting Navy Boy, I kind of told him that there would be no more nights spent together. After I informed him of this, we only saw each other maybe a couple of times until this past weekend. And each time Rommie and I hung out with him and his friends, The Neighbor always seemed to be in a really bad mood.

So...he texts me towards the end of last week, wanting to hang out (not necessarily just the two of us, but do something). Friday night, however, it did wind up being just the two of us. He came over, we had a drink, then we went to a place called Frankie’s Fun Park. It is the greatest! Probably made more for the 6-14 crowd, we were definitely out of place. But it was fun, and we played games and won prizes and the whole lot. The Neighbor insists that we pool all of our tickets together for a birthday present from him to me. A nice gesture, but weird at the same time. As we leave he says, “You are an expensive date.” Of course he was kidding, but it was just kind of awkward.

We get back to my apartment and start downing drinks. We even play drinking games, just the two of us. At one point he moves closer to me and sits with me on the small ass couch in my living room. I was feeling really weird, but didn’t kick him off. Finally, without any further events, he decides that he should get going. I was relieved. I really got the feel that he was trying to make it like some weird date night. Oh well. I am definitely focused on Navy Boy right now, so that makes me happy. And for the record, I do not ever want to hook up with The Neighbor. Just friends from here on out, please.

Dancing, Washing Machines and Beetles

I had the strangest dream last night. I was involved in some dancing competition for school, which I was to be graded on. I didn't prepare any kind of dance for the 'test'. So I went home right before I was to do my dance to make something up. When I got home, I noticed a beetle crawling on my bed (AH GROSS!) so I killed it. The beetle that I killed was weird looking with a bright green stripe. As I enter the laundry room to put something in the wash (why am I not making up my dance yet?), I find my friend IN THE WASHING MACHINE, while it is going! And apparently in this dream, that was perfectly acceptable. 

The particular friend that I found in the washing machine actually does have a mom who is a genius on animal facts, so I figured he would know something about the beetle. He proceeds to tell me it is seriously poisonous and to avoid any others that I see. As I go back to my room, I see one trying to come in the sliding glass door, except this one is 100 times bigger and red. My attempt to keep it outside was unsuccessful and the little shit bit me on the lip! My lip got huge and awkward and I couldn't speak correctly. This particular event scared the bejesus out of me, but at the same time I was psyched that I could use this excuse to get out of my dance test. Too bad by the time I got back to the school, the swelling had gone down and I was left without an excuse. 

I don't know what happened next, but there were many other strange elements to the dream which I keep remembering bits and pieces of, but I've given you the gist of it all. Good luck interpreting that one.

Brain Fry

School/work/my future is frying my brain right now so you'll have to excuse my lack of creative writing. I have one class this semester that will most definitely prove to be my most intense and hardest class during my college career. I am not caught up in that class and I have a test in 2 days. Not to mention I also have a test right before that and one the next day.

I worked on updating my resume this weekend and that was quite an ordeal. My mom is a great help and I'm actually kind of pleased with it so far. I sound super smart and qualified. The stress of having to find a 'real' job in May is freaking me out. Come on Obama...fix this place before May...PUHLEASEEE!

I keep having dreams about Dru and it is pissing me off. He is physically and emotionally out of my life but he keeps sneaking in at night...WTF?! Can't I just get rid of him already? It is so frustrating.

Oh and I'm trying to pay down my bills so I am currently not shopping. That always adds to my stress level. But enough of my stresses. I am happy to be alive and healthy so I can't ask for too much more I guess. I will try to post some more creative things sometime this week but it's going to be incredibly busy so don't get your hopes up...but I do have a great recipe coming up tomorrow since I missed last Friday.

Have a good week y'all!

Dru is Haunting My Dreams...and A Confession

For the past few weeks I have had multiple dreams about Dru and I. In most of them we are back together doing normal things. Here goes the one from last night: my mom, sister and I were in B-ham for some organization she was a member of. They were having a dinner/function of sorts. First thing's first...we get a glass of wine. As we are heading over to the nearest table, Dru, his brother and mom walk up to the same table. We exchange pleasantries (the moms meet) and I'm cracking joke after joke. It was really a fun time, until Dru and I decided to go away from the group and talk. I sat him down and asked him why he disappeared without a word...

Apparently on some paperwork I had filled out there was a question that said, "Who are you currently dating?" (What kind of paperwork is this!?) I filled in the sheet with Dru's name...but put Gary's name out to the side. (Let me remind you here that Gary is the guy I dated for 5 years but broke up with 1.5 years ago) Dru pointed this out to me and said I had also called him Gary before. I explained to him that I have a horrible habit of calling people by the wrong name (this is true) and that I accidentally put Gary's name on the paperwork because I just wasn't thinking. Clearly Gary was a big part of my life and it was just a silly mistake that meant nothing.

As the conversation looked like it was going nowhere and Dru looked genuinely hurt, I told him that I had started to fall in love with him while we were seeing each other, which totally took him by surprise. The conversation continued and we wound up back together. End dream.

Now, I have to make a shameful confession. I haven't told the blog world about this because...well a lot of reasons, but #1 being I am ashamed of my actions. Here goes...sometime after Dru didn't come to visit in November I slept over at Gary's. It was definitely drunk-induced and I regret it for many reasons. Here is my side of the story (even though I know I shouldn't have done it): at the time Dru had just stood me up and was making no visible effort to reschedule, we never did discuss 'what we were' and I not too long before had someone asked him "Is that your girlfriend?" to which he responded "Sometimes" (he didn't know I heard). So obviously, to my credit, we had not discussed being exclusive. However, I see his side as well and know it was wrong.

Here is where it bothers me, during one of my first visits to B-ham Dru mentioned that if a girlfriend of his ever cheated on him that he would never talk to her again no matter what. And well, that is exactly what happened with us. But I wasn't his 'girlfriend' or if I was, he didn't let me know and...this is a big AND...he knows NONE of my friends except rommie. It is out of the question...in no way shape or form would I think she contacted him to tell him that. It is not a possibility so get it out of your head.

So I've come to the conclusion that it would be highly unlikely for him to know about me and Gary. Obviously, for over a month now I have been racking my brain as to what happened. Last night I had an epiphany. We met at a wedding, hooked up and developed a relationship from there. Sooooo....I'm thinking, if he did that with me then he probably had done something similar before and likely to do it again. Which, in turn, would mean that he totally fooled me into thinking he was a great guy.

Enough rant for today...what do you think?

Yay for Sleep! and School?

I finally was able to fall asleep easily and got a good rest last night! The previous night (when I wrote the last post) was hell. I know I fell asleep at some point because I had a dream, but I know I was only asleep for max. 3 hours. And of course my dream was about Dru. We were happy and together and things were all good. Then reality hit when it was time to wake up and go to school.

On a happier note, the first day back yesterday was surprisingly pleasant! I had three classes yesterday: the first was a class that teaches how to live better (nutrition, behavior, exercise), the second is Product Management with one of my favorite teachers, and finally Pilates. I am so excited about this particular class because I have always been interested in getting into Yoga and/or Pilates. I used to take a class at my gym, but since I quit last spring I haven't been doing much. Also, I have the same teacher for my well-being class as my pilates class and she is AWESOME! Today I have two classes this afternoon, both which I expect to be incredibly boring.

I'm very happy the new semester (and my last semester) got off to such a great start. Although things aren't going smoothly in my love life, I'm grateful to have something to look forward to. I've also been staying pretty busy to keep my mind off of things. With school and work each day, I really need to plan out my time to get as much done as possible. We also have some friends that moved into our apartment complex in the beginning of December that have been amazing over the past month or so. They are sweet guys who are always up for doing something fun (a definite plus in taking my mind off of Dru).

Tonight is the college football national championship and we have rented the theater room at our apartment complex to watch the game with our friends. I'm excited because my dad went to OU and is still a hardcore fan. He is so happy when their team does well, so I really hope they win tonight. I think I may be the only OU fan in attendance, but oh well...I'm the loudest screamer so it should be about equal on that front.

Another thing going on in my life: a job hunt. More on that later though...I want you to see what my grandma gave me for Christmas. It's oh so pretty! It is a bracelet with genuine turquoise stones by a jewelry designer named Lia Sophia. Check her out...she has a wide variety of styles!

Warning: This may gross you out...

I had a really disturbing, very realistic dream last night. Most of it was alright, but there was one part that still is messing with my head today. The dream started out with me being a student at UNC (which I'm not) and I was living in a super nice hotel room. Weird...I know. I was having trouble finding something to wear when some girls from my high school came by and helped me pick something out. This was also weird because these girls have no fashion sense. Anyways, as I am walking around my room, I notice this bump on my right arm. This is where it gets gross. The bump had a little hole in the top, and as I looked at it I noticed a little worm-like thing go into the hole! In the dream I knew it was a worm, but it looked more like a green and white piece of string or thin rope. 

I knew that it probably wasn't good that I just had a worm go into my body, so I squeezed the bump like you would a zit and the rope-worm-thing poked out of the top. Except now it was red and white. I grabbed it and ripped it out. It had grown to about 6 inches long and had gotten thicker. But it didn't come out like you would think, I ripped it out down my arm in a line rather than just all through the bump. It hurt like hell. I looked at my arm because I expected a long gash to be there from where it came out, but there was nothing. It had magically just morphed through my skin or something. Creepy. But it burned soooo bad. I told my friends about it and they said I shouldn't have ripped it out. Apparently when I did that it made a ton more little worms in my skin. I was supposed to wait until it turned back green then have it removed.

I woke up and my arm was actually hurting. I was so grossed out by the dream that I almost got sick to my stomach. I keep looking down at my arm today thinking I'm going to see something. And I can still feel where the bump and worm was on my arm. My dreams are always so realistic, and usually I can gather some meaning from them - or relate them to my life in some form or fashion...but this one totally stumps me. What's your weirdest dream?

Things to do before I'm 30

I watched a Scrubs* episode yesterday where J.D. turns 30. He and Turk had made lists of things they wanted to do before they both turned the big three-oh. Turk had accomplished many of his such as: get married, have kids, etc. J.D. hadn't completed a single thing from his list. Still single, in the process of finding a new home, etc. J.D. decides the only thing on his list he can accomplish before his 30th birthday (which happened to be the next day) was to complete a triathlon. To make a long, funny, story short, he winds up completing the race - thanks greatly to Elliott.

I started to make a bucket-list a few months ago, but that seemed too daunting and unrealistic. I would rather make a bucket-list closer to the time I think I will die (as morbid as that sounds). So I liked the idea of making a list of goals before I reach 30 (which will be in 9.5 years). Here it goes:

1. Get married
2. Have at least 2 children (yeah I know that seems really soon - I want to be a young mom though!)
3. Run a half-marathon
4. Skydive
5. Go camping (I've never been!)
6. Better understand religion/adopt a denomination
7. Go to Greece
8. Become dedicated to and participate regularly in a good cause...Susan G. Komen?
9. Obtain my MBA
10. Dine in the dark

What are some of your goals for the next 10 or so years?


*Scrubs is THE BEST SHOW EVER. I recently got into watching it a few months ago. They play reruns on Comedy Central and TV Land. It is incredibly funny. Their last season finished shooting at the beginning of the summer I think, but won't air until "mid-season" (whenever that is) this year. The show used to be on NBC but will now be airing new episodes on ABC - the best network ever. If anyone knows exactly when new ones will air let me know - I'll try to keep you posted as well.

Dreams

I had a couple of different dreams last night. Both incredibly weird and extremely vivid.

Dream #1:

Setting: My aunt's house in Arkansas, but mysteriously in Los Angeles as well.

Somehow Lindsay Lohan and I become fast friends and I become sort of an assistant to her? We are on the back lawn of my aunt's house and she pulls out a blunt. Except for it wasn't a normal blunt, it was as thick as a cigar but shorter. On the end I see these small neon green balls. She informs me it is acid. (Let me just tell you here, I am NOT into drugs. I've never done hard drugs, and don't want to - therefore I am not well informed about them. But I am pretty sure acid doesn't come in the form of green balls. And I'm pretty sure no one has ever put it on the end of a giant blunt...or have they?) Anyways, she starts to smoke it. We are close to some sort of lake, and my friend from high school is a few yards away, watching us, waiting for something exciting to happen. I have no idea why he was there. So we continue to sit there and chat while she smokes. I am close to falling in the water and ask her to help me scoot away from it, but it takes her a while and more of me begging for her to actually help me. Weird. Then we are just chatting more when she offers me a hit. Reluctantly, I take one.

Suddenly we are inside of my aunt's house. Surrounding us is my aunt, my uncle, two cousins and my very conservative thinks-I've-never-had-a-sip-of-alcohol grandma. And of course, me and Lindsay. The friend from school may or may not have been there, I can't remember that part, but I wouldn't be surprised considering how weird the dream is. It is the next morning and apparently we had stayed up throughout the night talking in the yard. Never sleeping. The pot/acid mixture had made me completely unable to stand on my own two feet. I was falling over every which way trying to have a conversation with my family. Lindsay, the veteran, is unaffected by the drugs. As she helps me, and laughs at me, I am finally able to shower, get dressed and ready for the day.

Next scene: I am driving my mom's Tahoe, taking Lindsay to do some photo shoot. She is poking around on the side of her door trying to get the window to roll down. Apparently in the incredibly expensive cars that she is used to riding in, the windows roll down with the mere thought crossing her mind. I ask her what we were going to do tonight and she doesn't seem to want to do anything. I start rattling off all of the clubs in Los Angeles that I want to go to, but she seems bored with them all. I'm incredibly disappointed that I won't be going out with her and having my face in all of the tabloids. "Who is LiLo's new bestie?!" (Yeah I'm way too into celeb gossip) After the photo shoot, I drop her to film scenes for a movie.

The End. (Incredibly weird, right?)

Dream #2:

Setting: My room in my apartment, on a home football game day.

Many people are in my room...from what I can remember it is me, roomie, Dru, some of his friends, and some of my friends. It is early in the morning and everyone is excited to start tailgating. Dru has asked me to marry him. (Little truth here: the past two times I have seen Dru - we were both drunk - he has asked me to marry him. Last time in particular, he said 'If I get you a ring right now would you marry me?' Weird considering we don't really know each other that well) So in the dream when he asks, I assume he is joking like always, except he is not drunk this time. I am a little confused and don't know how to answer. I think I just shrugged it off and gave him a kiss or something. Next thing I know I accidentally see a text message he got from a friend. It said, "Did she say yes or no?" Which, I knew was referring to the marriage question. He was serious!?!?!

Something happens and all of a sudden it is night time. Almost game time. Very little time for tailgating left. I am still getting ready and can't seem to ever finish. Everyone else is outside having a great time. Roomie is helping me get ready but time is standing still. I can see everyone from the window but can't get out there.

The End.

I have incredibly strange dreams all of the time, but these were just wayyy out of the ordinary. I wish I knew what they meant. My mom has a dream book that I have used before, but it really just says the same thing for every dream.

Olympics!

I love love love the Olympics! The opening ceremony is always entertaining. However, this year, the opening ceremony was AMAZING. The discipline of the Chinese performers was awe-inspiring. The drums that lit up when hit at the beginning were great. And the pillars that moved up and down like machines (when they were actually people) were crazyyy! I wonder how long it took to rehearse that. And what the penalty was for not performing correctly...an arm? Leg? Your first born?

Sorry. I have problems with China, but I won't let it taint what a great performance it was. The lighting of the torch always makes me teary-eyed (seriously). It just signifies so much and I feel like a pansy for saying it, but it really makes me want world peace. Too cliché? Ok.

I have to say, the Olympics make me love America even more. I know we haven't and will never win everything, but I like to think we are better anyways. I always feel like team USA is like the bad ass of the Olympics. We do things big: big teams, big muscles, big stories, big everything. Maybe it is because we have a president who comes from a state hailing, "Everything is bigger in Texas."

Opening ceremony aside, the games are equally as fun to watch. My favorite is women's gymnastics. Growing up I was a gymnast and went on to use my skills in cheerleading in high school. I was on many competition gymnastics teams when I was younger, but quit suddenly...as I did with many sports. I used to train at the same gym as Shannon Miller. Don't know who Shannon Miller is? Were you alive in 1992 & 1996 and did you catch any of the games?

Well to summarize, she is the most decorated American gymnast. She was sick back in her day. Accompanying Miller on the USA team in 1996 was Kerri Strug. She is known for her brave second attempt on vault after injuring her ankle. Here is a little diddy to help jog your memory:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIImbyIBm-s

Anyways, I idolized these women. And I thought it was all within reach. The Olympics only seemed natural for me. I was sure that I would just continue to train in gymnastics and eventually be in the Olympics. That was the only option for me. What finally provoked me to up and quit? I don't remember. But I regret it so much everyday. I miss gymnastics and I can't believe that I let such a dream die. Especially today when I see so many people my age succeeding and only smashing their dreams with a better reality (read: Michael Phelps).

So I continue to watch and love the Olympic Games with so much passion. I have taken a liking to sports I never thought would be entertaining to watch like swimming, diving, volleyball, etc. And since I let the dream of being an Olympian die, I have now reconstructed my goal and will try with all my power to make it to the Olympics as a spectator. I would love to go watch these athletes in person. I'm not sure where the games are being held in the up-coming years, but you better believe right after I hit "Publish Post" I am jetting over to Google to do some intense research.

Oh and PS - GO TEAM USA. Last night/this morning Michael Phelps and the other American water warriors won the relay race. Yay! I'm super psyched about this because the jerks over on team France talked a big game. Saying that they were coming to the race to "smash" team USA. Well HAH. Not this time pansies.

UPDATE: London will be the location of the 2012 summer Olympics. England, here I come.

Slackers.

I thought being away from my desk at work for two days (thus away from the blogging world) would put me so far behind that it would take the better part of the week to catch up. Well I was wrong. Apparently everyone is slacking, not just me. I guess everyone is jamming their vacations in before all of the schools start back? Who knows.

I am a slacker too though. I didn't run yesterday. But it wasn't completely my fault. My alarm didn't go off. I hate when this happens. I hate the few minutes where you can't tell if you are reading the clock right, and if it is actually a work day so do you have to get up, and 'am I dreaming this?' all kicks your brain at once.

I feel like I have also been slacking off on this blog. My posts don't seem to be that interesting. It is like I think of great things to write about all of the time, except when I am in front of the computer. I need to start writing them down right when I think of them instead of telling myself that my memory is going to start magically working again.

Random Alert:: I had a dream last night that was really weird. I dreamt I was in LA showing my friend around. We were having to climb over all of this construction on Hollywood Blvd and I fell into some plywood. It was really strange.

I am always intrigued by where I am and what I am doing when I remember a dream from the previous night. This morning I was leaning over on my bed stretching out my hammies when I remembered this dream. Maybe it was the falling sensation? Who knows. I wish I could remember more of the dream though. I am usually a pretty vivid dreamer. I always have a dream to report, but for the past couple of weeks I haven't been having as many.

Maybe all of the creative juices have somehow left my body. Maybe if you are living on the edge you aren't allowed to be creative? I am going to blame this on my slacker-ness on blog writing, dreaming and the occasional skipped workout.

In what aspects of life are you a slacker?