Dreams and Navy Boy

I had a dream last night that was unbelievably realistic. Most of my dreams are pretty realistic, but this one was out of control. I was dreaming that I had a boyfriend who loved me so much, and I felt the same about him. This is going to sound so cheesy and pathetic, but I could hold onto his arm when I was sacred, he would be super affectionate to me, and I just felt safe and happy.

Then I woke up and reality hit. I don’t have a boyfriend who is like this, turns out, I don’t have a boyfriend at all. And although I woke up and the feeling of having that person was gone, I was still in a good mood because I know, one day, I will find that person. There is a little part of me that is TERRIFIED of not ever finding someone, but most of the time I truly believe I will. I haven’t had a ‘real’ boyfriend in a year and a half. I have had spurts, i.e. Dru, but nothing solid. I really want to find someone who loves my company as much as I love theirs.

Maybe this is all on the heels of Navy Boy. He is supposed to get back into NC today. He graduated OCS on Friday and is now officially a Naval Officer! I’m super proud of him for getting through it all but I’m definitely nervous. He will be here for at least a week and a half, but could stay until June 29 (when he has to report to flight school in Pensacola). If he stays in NC all the way until then, he will have negative vacation days and have to work a ton to earn them back. When I talked to him Sunday it sounded like he wasn’t going to take the full amount of time.

Also, I’m nervous because we haven’t been talking as much as we have in the past weeks. I definitely understand that I was an emotional crutch going into this thing because I was a girl who he had a lot in common with right when he left. I was someone he could talk to for hours besides his parents and guy friends (who would probably give him hell for some of the things he said – haha). So yeah, I realize that, but I guess I’m hoping that we get along for better reasons than that. I was hoping we actually got along because we enjoyed each other.

I am kind of realizing now that he won’t be around for 3 months, so there isn’t really a great chance of this turning into anything. At most he will be here for 20 days then go off to Florida. Turning a friendship into a relationship from 725 miles away is virtually impossible. But I’m not completely ruling anything out. We haven’t set a definite time to get together while he is here, but I’m assuming something will work out. I am waiting until that happens to really determine what I think the future holds for us. If we hit it off and things go great, I will continue to have hope. If things are mediocre, I will understand that we are just meant to be friends and that will be that.

Also, I’m a big believer in the phrase ‘what is meant to be will be’ so I’m just going to let that carry me through this situation and not stress too much.

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