Dru Isn't Coming

Yep. That's right. Let down by a boy...yet again. I feel like that is the story of my life. So here is the story:

When Dru called Monday, I was at the mall and only got to talk to him for a short while before I needed to hang up. Tuesday he didn't call, and last night as I was leaving from babysitting my adorable cousins, he still hadn't called. So I texted, "Are you still coming this weekend?" About 20 minutes later he calls and informs me that, despite the fact he has had his plane ticket booked for over 2 weeks now, he isn't going to be able to come.

Apparently, this weekend is opening weekend of rifle season in Alabama. It is family tradition that they all go down to one of their "farms" (aka giant patch of land with a beautiful house - no animals except the ones you can shoot) and hunt. Siblings come home from college, grandparents come...the whole 9 yards. And he didn't realize this because opening weekend is "always the weekend of the Alabama/Auburn game" (which is next weekend).

Well, Dru, you should have checked.

As you are all well aware of, I have been getting ready for his visit for weeks now. I have decorated, I bought 4 tickets to the UNC/NCSU game ($260!), my mom was going to make brunch, etc. I had the weekend planned all out. I was going to clean, do laundry, and make a breakfast casserole tomorrow before he got here!

So I'm sure you can imagine how disappointed I am. Of course I can't be "mad" at him because I value family traditions just as much as the next person, but I am upset. I am upset that he didn't check beforehand to make sure that nothing was going on. What that says to me is that this trip wasn't important enough for him to ask around and make sure everything was going to work out. I'm upset because he waited until 2 days before he was supposed to get here to tell me. If I hadn't texted him last night, would I still not know he was coming? When would he have called? Friday afternoon?

One thing that bothers me the most is: I'm not sure he understands how upset I am over this. I actually cried last night...I don't cry...especially not in front of people. I cried to my mom, dad, sister, best friend and even cried myself to sleep. My eyes hurt today. I want him to understand that I was looking forward to spending time with him and that I was really let down when he said he couldn't come. But I don't want to make him feel like he is choosing between his family and me, because that is not the case. I want him to have traditions and family values, that is one thing I love most about him, but I want him to be able to stick to his commitments to me as well, and that means planning ahead.

Another factor is that we haven't exactly established "what we are." For a while, I thought this was best. But it is really starting to become more of a burden than not. I was in a long-distance relationship with Gary (the ex) for over 6 months when he moved to California. That was easier because I knew where I stood with him. I knew that he wanted to be with me and that I would hear from him. There was no gray area. With Dru, since we haven't established rules, there are no justified expectations. I don't know if I can get mad at him for not calling sooner or I don't know if I can tell him I was really looking forward to seeing him without scaring him off. There are so many uncertainties with us it really makes a long-distance relationship harder.

Should I bring this up? I have always felt like that is the boy's place, but I don't know if I can handle it anymore. He also said he doesn't think he will be able to make it back for another 3 weeks! That will have been 6 weeks in between visiting each other. It is hard, but I'm willing to do it because I genuinely like this guy...I just need to know where I stand with him.

Any and all advice will, as always, be greatly appreciated!


well-intentioned heartbreaker said...

i feel so sad for you. i'm so sorry sweetpea.
i know how excited you were. the decorating the place and everything.
i don't even know if this would have been possible for you to do, or if it is a strictly family event, but i wish he would have invited you to his family thing when he said he couldn't make it.
and you should say something to him, i think at least. not rudely, but you had to call and ask him in order to find out he wasn't coming. no matter where you guys stand, that isn't right.
hopefully things smooth over soon. he sounds like a great guy, who made a mistake that he didn't think would hurt you as much as it did.

Dana said...

i am soooooo sorry!!!!

kk said...

I'm really sorry to hear this, sweetie.

I think when you're ready, you should talk to him about not coming to visit. Just be honest and tell him how you felt (disappointed, etc), how you were so excited and were getting things ready, and how him not coming really let you down. Maybe then tell him that you're not sure if you're over-reacting or not, but that you really like him, but are confused as to where you guys stand. maybe then he'll speak up!

good luck!

Shila Shila and Cult Jam said...

Yes, tell him. But make sure you're calm and finished crying first.

And then really pay attention to how he responds. Is he angry or sad or caring or defensive, etc...

His response (more than his inability to visit) will tell you a great deal about where you stand with him.

Good luck!!!

Auburn Kat said...

I know I'm a little late in posting a comment to this post, but I just had to!

You are absolutely right, first of all he should have double checked to make sure that he could come that wknd. He also should have told you ASAP when he found out that he couldn't come.

I think you deserve so much more!!! Of course it's easy for me to say that because I'm on the outside looking in.

Have you read the book He's Just Not that Into You? Whenever I feel rejected by a guy I pickup this book and it always makes me feel better! Some people love the book and others hate it...you might want to try it though.

Best of luck!