An event occurred last night that really upset me. I went to a bar to have drinks and dinner with a couple of friends after a long day (including two tests). After dinner we wound up sticking around for a while and some of my friends from home showed up. One used to be my BEST friend, but he is now married and I don't see or talk to him that often. The other was Gary (my ex) and his new girlfriend. And one other guy, but he is insignificant in the story. Anyways, we are sitting there catching up and I thought everyone was having a good time. I'm sure it was a little weird for Gary's new girl and maybe for Gary, but it wasn't for me. Roommie and I got up to go to the bathroom, and when we got back they were all walking out the door. They didn't even say bye. We all had tabs, so it's apparent that they called the waitress over paid really quickly and left. Roommie and I weren't even gone 5 minutes.
I just can't believe the immaturity of the situation. I understand if they felt weird, but for my BEST friend (back in the day) to not even say bye when I haven't seen him in 6 months? I mean, really!? It upset me because I feel like I have come a long way in being a nicer person to everyone. But when these people (who I've known for over 10 years) did that to me, it made me feel like shit. I have to admit, I was a bitch back then, but the person I was then isn't the person I am now...at all.
Now that I look back on it today, I'm so happy I'm not friends with them anymore. That is really a sad thing for me to say, but it's true. If I was going to be that kind of person around them, then I am better off without them.
The weirdness just kept coming when I got home and got a call from an ex of mine who has been in a relationship for 1 1/2 years. He was apparently drunk, but cried to me for an HOUR about how he isn't happy in his relationship. I was happy to give him the best advice I could, and happy that he felt good enough to call me and talk to me about it. I love to help out people when they need it, because I know I sure have cashed in my fair share on the receiving end.
I wrote another letter to Navy Boy last night and dropped it in the mailbox. I was under the influence of one of two beers, so I hope the letter makes as much sense to him as it did to me. I'm hoping my first letter gets to him tomorrow and that I get one back from him by the middle of next week. I can't wait to hear how things are going up there and get more details on when I can see him! Any advice on what to write in my next letter would be greatly appreciated...all I can think of right now is to keep him updated on the NCAA tournament!
Showing posts with label Dilemma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dilemma. Show all posts
3.27.2009
12.17.2008
Girls...
I don't have many girlfriends because basically, I don't like girls. The gossiping and backstabbing that you are supposed to leave behind in junior high never gets left behind with most girls. The fake-ness really bothers me too...so generally, I steer clear of getting too buddy-buddy with most girls. Except my roomie, and best friend. We are VERY similar in many ways so it actually works out perfectly. There are things here and there that bother me about her but, overall she is a great person and the best friend. I am very lucky to have such a loyal and trustworthy friend in my life.
But lately there are some things bothering me that I just can't seem to forget. Here is the thing: I pay the bills...all of them. Then she repays me. For the past couple of months she has been up to 3 weeks late paying me for them. And come on people, I'm a college girl with a shopping problem...paying me late doesn't really bode well for my financials. I know that she doesn't really have that much money, and her parents don't help her out as much as mine do, so I try to be slack with her. But when it starts to affect me, I need to take action. SO from here on out, I'm going to put up the payments well in advance and give her a specific date by which she needs to get the money to me.
Also, she has been talking with this guy, we are going to call him Player (not because he is one...but that is actually a part of his name). He lives in our apartment complex and we met him through mutual friends about 2 months ago. Player is nice (for the most part) and dresses well and all but I still don't like him. Something about him just ticks me off, he seems rude sometimes and says things that just don't need to be said. The main thing that I hate about this is, I can't say anything to her about him because I think she really likes him. Or likes the attention...I'm not sure yet.
Most of all, it irritates me that she blew me off to hang out with him this past weekend. She has never done anything like that and it actually really bothered me. I pulled a pretty shitty friend move when I went to see Dru over Halloween and blew off our plans to go see New Kids on the Block, but I see that as a totally different situation. Dru and I were actually something. Not just starting out. And lots of other little details I won't get into. (Don't get me wrong - I know I shouldn't have blown her off) But it is just different. I asked and asked and checked and checked with her before I went to visit Dru, but this weekend when she blew me off...she didn't ask or see if it bothered me or anything.
So I'm going to let it go as payback for my earlier fault. But if things keep up like this with her dissing me for this loser dude, then I'm going to have to speak up.
But lately there are some things bothering me that I just can't seem to forget. Here is the thing: I pay the bills...all of them. Then she repays me. For the past couple of months she has been up to 3 weeks late paying me for them. And come on people, I'm a college girl with a shopping problem...paying me late doesn't really bode well for my financials. I know that she doesn't really have that much money, and her parents don't help her out as much as mine do, so I try to be slack with her. But when it starts to affect me, I need to take action. SO from here on out, I'm going to put up the payments well in advance and give her a specific date by which she needs to get the money to me.
Also, she has been talking with this guy, we are going to call him Player (not because he is one...but that is actually a part of his name). He lives in our apartment complex and we met him through mutual friends about 2 months ago. Player is nice (for the most part) and dresses well and all but I still don't like him. Something about him just ticks me off, he seems rude sometimes and says things that just don't need to be said. The main thing that I hate about this is, I can't say anything to her about him because I think she really likes him. Or likes the attention...I'm not sure yet.
Most of all, it irritates me that she blew me off to hang out with him this past weekend. She has never done anything like that and it actually really bothered me. I pulled a pretty shitty friend move when I went to see Dru over Halloween and blew off our plans to go see New Kids on the Block, but I see that as a totally different situation. Dru and I were actually something. Not just starting out. And lots of other little details I won't get into. (Don't get me wrong - I know I shouldn't have blown her off) But it is just different. I asked and asked and checked and checked with her before I went to visit Dru, but this weekend when she blew me off...she didn't ask or see if it bothered me or anything.
So I'm going to let it go as payback for my earlier fault. But if things keep up like this with her dissing me for this loser dude, then I'm going to have to speak up.
12.16.2008
It's A Sad Day...
I'm throwing in the towel with Dru. Basically, we only talked on the phone last week once (Tuesday), then just a few quick texts on Thursday. He has mentioned maybe being able to come visit this weekend, but hasn't booked a flight or anything. It seems we have talked less and less since I last visited. I waited around last night for a phone call and never got one. So I figured I would man-up and call him tonight. As I left the gym around 6:45PM I called, got no answer and decided not to leave a message.
I haven't heard from him and quite frankly, I don't expect to. I don't understand. When I visit him, he asks me to marry him (jokingly, but with a weird serious undertone), tells me he is in love with me and we just have a great time. I was nervous for a little while that he thought I didn't feel as strongly as he did, but recently I have tried to make my feelings a little more apparent (I sent one text saying I missed him, I called him once last week, and now once this week).
When we spoke last week we discussed spending New Years together and he told me I could pick wherever I wanted to go. Then he doesn't call for a week and hasn't returned my phone call!? I don't get it. I understand he is super-busy. He works probably 10 hours a day, has great friends that he spends a lot of time with and he is very involved in his family. But I still don't get why he doesn't call but says all of these other things to me and pays for me to fly down there?
One part of the situation is the fact that he has only been in one relationship in his 25 years of existence that only lasted a year. So, roomie and I have thrown around the idea that he just doesn't know how to act, especially in our situation (being so far away). Now, I am kind of fed up. I hate waiting around for him and it is driving me crazy. I know everyone is screaming TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT! But it isn't that easy. When we are on the phone everything seems better than fine, so bringing up such a daunting topic is extremely hard.
I don't want to give him an ultimatum, but if things don't pick up I'm going to have to drop it/him to keep from getting hurt more. It is just a matter of me conveying that to him when/if he calls. I really don't want to give up on him because he is, honestly, the best guy I have ever even sort of dated.
11.24.2008
I Just Don't Get It
As you all know, Dru didn't come this weekend. And I expected him to call this evening...but he didn't so I texted him and said, "How was your weekend?" to which he responded, "Unbelievable you have to hear this I'll call in a min." That was two hours ago. He hasn't called and I don't think he will tonight. It is highly likely that he is at a friend's house and doesn't want to be the guy to step away to talk to a girl. Or maybe he is at his parents house for Sunday night dinner. But the point is he said he would call 'in a min' and when I haven't talked to him in almost a week that really bothers me. I just don't know what to do. Now I actually have a reason to be mad, and I am. But I don't know how to tell him that. I feel like we are still on a shaky ground what without us having talked about what we are. I know it sounds silly and I keep coming back to it, but I don't know what to expect and that makes it hard because I get my hopes up. Without a defined relationship (of any sort) I don't know how he will receive me calling him out on what seems like such a petty matter.
How should I approach this? Next time I talk to him do I tell him it bothers me that we don't talk much anymore? Ugh, this is so frustrating. I'm sorry I keep bogging everyone down with my love life, or lack there of, but it is the only thing on my mind, and until I get some kind of answers it will most likely still be the only thing I can think about. I appreciate the advice, as always.
Update: Ok so I guess I jinxed it by writing that post. He called. We caught up and all of that good stuff, but I didn't mention anything about me being mad or anything. I'm such a wimp. So I'm happy for now and promise to have a post that isn't related to Dru at all tomorrow!
11.20.2008
Dru Isn't Coming
Yep. That's right. Let down by a boy...yet again. I feel like that is the story of my life. So here is the story:
When Dru called Monday, I was at the mall and only got to talk to him for a short while before I needed to hang up. Tuesday he didn't call, and last night as I was leaving from babysitting my adorable cousins, he still hadn't called. So I texted, "Are you still coming this weekend?" About 20 minutes later he calls and informs me that, despite the fact he has had his plane ticket booked for over 2 weeks now, he isn't going to be able to come.
Apparently, this weekend is opening weekend of rifle season in Alabama. It is family tradition that they all go down to one of their "farms" (aka giant patch of land with a beautiful house - no animals except the ones you can shoot) and hunt. Siblings come home from college, grandparents come...the whole 9 yards. And he didn't realize this because opening weekend is "always the weekend of the Alabama/Auburn game" (which is next weekend).
Well, Dru, you should have checked.
As you are all well aware of, I have been getting ready for his visit for weeks now. I have decorated, I bought 4 tickets to the UNC/NCSU game ($260!), my mom was going to make brunch, etc. I had the weekend planned all out. I was going to clean, do laundry, and make a breakfast casserole tomorrow before he got here!
So I'm sure you can imagine how disappointed I am. Of course I can't be "mad" at him because I value family traditions just as much as the next person, but I am upset. I am upset that he didn't check beforehand to make sure that nothing was going on. What that says to me is that this trip wasn't important enough for him to ask around and make sure everything was going to work out. I'm upset because he waited until 2 days before he was supposed to get here to tell me. If I hadn't texted him last night, would I still not know he was coming? When would he have called? Friday afternoon?
One thing that bothers me the most is: I'm not sure he understands how upset I am over this. I actually cried last night...I don't cry...especially not in front of people. I cried to my mom, dad, sister, best friend and even cried myself to sleep. My eyes hurt today. I want him to understand that I was looking forward to spending time with him and that I was really let down when he said he couldn't come. But I don't want to make him feel like he is choosing between his family and me, because that is not the case. I want him to have traditions and family values, that is one thing I love most about him, but I want him to be able to stick to his commitments to me as well, and that means planning ahead.
Another factor is that we haven't exactly established "what we are." For a while, I thought this was best. But it is really starting to become more of a burden than not. I was in a long-distance relationship with Gary (the ex) for over 6 months when he moved to California. That was easier because I knew where I stood with him. I knew that he wanted to be with me and that I would hear from him. There was no gray area. With Dru, since we haven't established rules, there are no justified expectations. I don't know if I can get mad at him for not calling sooner or I don't know if I can tell him I was really looking forward to seeing him without scaring him off. There are so many uncertainties with us it really makes a long-distance relationship harder.
Should I bring this up? I have always felt like that is the boy's place, but I don't know if I can handle it anymore. He also said he doesn't think he will be able to make it back for another 3 weeks! That will have been 6 weeks in between visiting each other. It is hard, but I'm willing to do it because I genuinely like this guy...I just need to know where I stand with him.
Any and all advice will, as always, be greatly appreciated!
When Dru called Monday, I was at the mall and only got to talk to him for a short while before I needed to hang up. Tuesday he didn't call, and last night as I was leaving from babysitting my adorable cousins, he still hadn't called. So I texted, "Are you still coming this weekend?" About 20 minutes later he calls and informs me that, despite the fact he has had his plane ticket booked for over 2 weeks now, he isn't going to be able to come.
Apparently, this weekend is opening weekend of rifle season in Alabama. It is family tradition that they all go down to one of their "farms" (aka giant patch of land with a beautiful house - no animals except the ones you can shoot) and hunt. Siblings come home from college, grandparents come...the whole 9 yards. And he didn't realize this because opening weekend is "always the weekend of the Alabama/Auburn game" (which is next weekend).
Well, Dru, you should have checked.
As you are all well aware of, I have been getting ready for his visit for weeks now. I have decorated, I bought 4 tickets to the UNC/NCSU game ($260!), my mom was going to make brunch, etc. I had the weekend planned all out. I was going to clean, do laundry, and make a breakfast casserole tomorrow before he got here!
So I'm sure you can imagine how disappointed I am. Of course I can't be "mad" at him because I value family traditions just as much as the next person, but I am upset. I am upset that he didn't check beforehand to make sure that nothing was going on. What that says to me is that this trip wasn't important enough for him to ask around and make sure everything was going to work out. I'm upset because he waited until 2 days before he was supposed to get here to tell me. If I hadn't texted him last night, would I still not know he was coming? When would he have called? Friday afternoon?
One thing that bothers me the most is: I'm not sure he understands how upset I am over this. I actually cried last night...I don't cry...especially not in front of people. I cried to my mom, dad, sister, best friend and even cried myself to sleep. My eyes hurt today. I want him to understand that I was looking forward to spending time with him and that I was really let down when he said he couldn't come. But I don't want to make him feel like he is choosing between his family and me, because that is not the case. I want him to have traditions and family values, that is one thing I love most about him, but I want him to be able to stick to his commitments to me as well, and that means planning ahead.
Another factor is that we haven't exactly established "what we are." For a while, I thought this was best. But it is really starting to become more of a burden than not. I was in a long-distance relationship with Gary (the ex) for over 6 months when he moved to California. That was easier because I knew where I stood with him. I knew that he wanted to be with me and that I would hear from him. There was no gray area. With Dru, since we haven't established rules, there are no justified expectations. I don't know if I can get mad at him for not calling sooner or I don't know if I can tell him I was really looking forward to seeing him without scaring him off. There are so many uncertainties with us it really makes a long-distance relationship harder.
Should I bring this up? I have always felt like that is the boy's place, but I don't know if I can handle it anymore. He also said he doesn't think he will be able to make it back for another 3 weeks! That will have been 6 weeks in between visiting each other. It is hard, but I'm willing to do it because I genuinely like this guy...I just need to know where I stand with him.
Any and all advice will, as always, be greatly appreciated!
11.18.2008
Weekly Update
My weekend was, interesting. For starters, roommate and I went out Thursday night. We don't usually do this because we are old hags who prefer to stay in and watch TV and go to bed promptly at 11PM. But for some reason we got this crazy notion to go out. We drank too much and I missed my two classes on Friday.
Friday night we went to UNC-Chapel Hill to hang out with Al (my best guy friend) and some of his friends from his study abroad in Spain last semester. I was still recovering from the night before so I took it easy. I don't really enjoy being sober at a bar where everyone else is drunk, but Friday night wasn't so bad. Roommate and I got hit on 4 times and each time was equally as disturbing.
Saturday we had a football game. The festivities began at 10AM. Bad idea. We didn't stop drinking until 2AM. I was in rare form that night. Gary, the ex, tried to kiss me. In all of my vulnerability, I almost caved in. But I didn't, and I'm so glad. Things are going great with Dru and I could have ruined it all for nothing. Gary and I will never work out again, so I don't know why we occasionally fool ourselves.
Speaking of Dru...HE COMES TO VISIT IN 3 DAYS! I couldn't be more excited. My apartment is coming together (see pictures tomorrow!) and I am running again and I feel like a giddy school girl. I'm also nervous. I really hope he has a good time. The plan is to maybe go out for a few drinks after he gets in Friday night (at 9:30!). The next morning we have to be up super early to make it to my sister's boyfriend's house by 8:30AM in Chapel Hill (30 minute drive). My school is playing her school in football and her boyfriend is hosting a "Kegs and Eggs" party. I'm going to make a breakfast casserole to take over. Yum! Maybe I can remember to post the recipe here...
My parents want to have a brunch at their house Sunday morning. And I don't know if I am ready to have Dru to my parents' house. I have been to his parents' house but it was really informal...I mean we just went over to show our skydiving videos then left. Ahh! But I know it will hurt my mom's feelings if I don't bring him over...so whatever. Hopefully my sister and her bf will be in attendance as well so it won't be as awkward.
Oh, my running! Yeah I started again (last night haha) because I will be participating in the annual 'Turkey Trot' in my cousin's neighborhood on Thanksgiving morning. I'm really excited that I have a goal to work towards. It is only a 5K, but I'm happy to start small and work my way up. The mimosa station is at her house too, so I'm SUPER excited about that part!
One last thing, then I'll end another one of my never ending posts. I'm going to my first work-related function on Thursday. It is a Toronto Stock Exchange luncheon, workshop, then networking cocktail. I'm so nervous I can already feel my hands shaking come Thursday morning. Here are some reasons why:
Friday night we went to UNC-Chapel Hill to hang out with Al (my best guy friend) and some of his friends from his study abroad in Spain last semester. I was still recovering from the night before so I took it easy. I don't really enjoy being sober at a bar where everyone else is drunk, but Friday night wasn't so bad. Roommate and I got hit on 4 times and each time was equally as disturbing.
Saturday we had a football game. The festivities began at 10AM. Bad idea. We didn't stop drinking until 2AM. I was in rare form that night. Gary, the ex, tried to kiss me. In all of my vulnerability, I almost caved in. But I didn't, and I'm so glad. Things are going great with Dru and I could have ruined it all for nothing. Gary and I will never work out again, so I don't know why we occasionally fool ourselves.
Speaking of Dru...HE COMES TO VISIT IN 3 DAYS! I couldn't be more excited. My apartment is coming together (see pictures tomorrow!) and I am running again and I feel like a giddy school girl. I'm also nervous. I really hope he has a good time. The plan is to maybe go out for a few drinks after he gets in Friday night (at 9:30!). The next morning we have to be up super early to make it to my sister's boyfriend's house by 8:30AM in Chapel Hill (30 minute drive). My school is playing her school in football and her boyfriend is hosting a "Kegs and Eggs" party. I'm going to make a breakfast casserole to take over. Yum! Maybe I can remember to post the recipe here...
My parents want to have a brunch at their house Sunday morning. And I don't know if I am ready to have Dru to my parents' house. I have been to his parents' house but it was really informal...I mean we just went over to show our skydiving videos then left. Ahh! But I know it will hurt my mom's feelings if I don't bring him over...so whatever. Hopefully my sister and her bf will be in attendance as well so it won't be as awkward.
Oh, my running! Yeah I started again (last night haha) because I will be participating in the annual 'Turkey Trot' in my cousin's neighborhood on Thanksgiving morning. I'm really excited that I have a goal to work towards. It is only a 5K, but I'm happy to start small and work my way up. The mimosa station is at her house too, so I'm SUPER excited about that part!
One last thing, then I'll end another one of my never ending posts. I'm going to my first work-related function on Thursday. It is a Toronto Stock Exchange luncheon, workshop, then networking cocktail. I'm so nervous I can already feel my hands shaking come Thursday morning. Here are some reasons why:
- This event is specified on the website to be for CEOs and CFOs, financiers of private and public companies and advisors to private and public companies. I AM AN INTERN.
- I don't have a business card...did I mention this is a networking event.
- I understand the TSX less than I understand the US stock exchanges (to which my knowledge is far from impressive).
- I'm not really even sure how to explain what my company does. I only help with the basic stuff.
- I've never been to a networking event before.
Maybe I should quit my whining and take it all in. I know this will be a great learning experience for me and probably great for my career as well. I should thank my boss for inviting me to attend, and really learn from everything I hear and everyone I meet. But any suggestions in getting over the initial nervousness would really help!
Have a great week everyone!
11.06.2008
Back to the Future
Yay. The election is over. I'm excited that our country will be going in a new direction and I look forward to the change. Mostly I am super pumped about not having to see political commercials anymore. They were getting out of hand towards the end there!
Anyways, I have come to realize I am not that great at coming up with post ideas. Lately I have basically been updating everyone with the Dru situation, but talking hardly any about other topics. I have a bad habit of thinking of things to write about, but then forgetting them and sitting in front of my computer with writers block. There are tons of opinions I have regarding somewhat controversial topics that I could discuss, but I don't want this to turn into a serious blog. I like the light, carefree feel of it right now. Oh what to write about...
I am great at talking about me. Plain and simple. SO I'll just write a brief* post about what is going on in my life (outside of Dru) until I can come up with something more entertaining. Well this may have a little to do with Dru, but I'll keep it to a minimum. As you may know, I will be graduating from college in May. I will have a degree in Business Management with a concentration in marketing. When I started school I thought this was the way to go; I was told, and believed, that a degree in business would give me the opportunity to work in pretty much any field.
Well, thank you, economy. This is no longer true, close to being true, or will be true in the immediate future.
So, I am presented with somewhat of a conundrum. To try to find a job...or go back to school? I have found a great advertising program at the University of Alabama. However, I would need to get 3 recommendation letters, take the GRE and submit an application by February 15. The recommendation letters and application aren't as daunting as the GRE. I have only recently begun my quest to take this particular test, and realize how much harder it is than I originally thought. I've concluded that it would be in my best interest to wait and apply next spring and start school in the fall of 2010.
I have searched online for jobs in the Birmingham area and have found some that look interesting. My thought process behind moving to Birmingham a year before I want to start school is threefold: 1. establish residency so I can get in-state tuition 2. save money to pay off the loan I will surely need 3. Dru. Now, I'm sure you see the obvious drawbacks here...what if Dru and I don't work out? What if I can't find a job when it actually comes time? What if I don't get in? Etc. Etc. Etc...
Hear me out...I want to be in the advertising industry. I am taking the only advertising-related class offered in my program and I enjoy it so much more than any other class I have taken. There are plenty of advertising programs elsewhere in the nation, mostly in the North, but as of right now, I don't really see myself moving North. I have nothing against it, I just have more friends and connections in the Midwest and southern states. The program at Alabama is great and seems to fit exactly what I am looking for, which most other schools don't.
Here comes the toughest part...how do I talk to Dru about it? He has mentioned me moving down to Alabama many times, but I haven't responded seriously, yet. Last weekend I lightly mentioned the advertising program at UA and he seemed genuinely excited.
On the other hand, if I were to try to find a job here in Raleigh, I probably wouldn't have much luck. I don't know how to approach my current bosses and ask if there is any chance of me growing within my current company when I graduate. I would love to stay on, if I don't go to Alabama, but I don't see any real potential for me here.
Oh the dilemmas of my life.
I'm really going to have to get on decorating my apartment though, because I think Dru is finally coming to visit in a few weeks. If you have any suggestions for places to find these items (reasonably priced) or have any creative ideas they will be greatly appreciated:
Anyways, I have come to realize I am not that great at coming up with post ideas. Lately I have basically been updating everyone with the Dru situation, but talking hardly any about other topics. I have a bad habit of thinking of things to write about, but then forgetting them and sitting in front of my computer with writers block. There are tons of opinions I have regarding somewhat controversial topics that I could discuss, but I don't want this to turn into a serious blog. I like the light, carefree feel of it right now. Oh what to write about...
I am great at talking about me. Plain and simple. SO I'll just write a brief* post about what is going on in my life (outside of Dru) until I can come up with something more entertaining. Well this may have a little to do with Dru, but I'll keep it to a minimum. As you may know, I will be graduating from college in May. I will have a degree in Business Management with a concentration in marketing. When I started school I thought this was the way to go; I was told, and believed, that a degree in business would give me the opportunity to work in pretty much any field.
Well, thank you, economy. This is no longer true, close to being true, or will be true in the immediate future.
So, I am presented with somewhat of a conundrum. To try to find a job...or go back to school? I have found a great advertising program at the University of Alabama. However, I would need to get 3 recommendation letters, take the GRE and submit an application by February 15. The recommendation letters and application aren't as daunting as the GRE. I have only recently begun my quest to take this particular test, and realize how much harder it is than I originally thought. I've concluded that it would be in my best interest to wait and apply next spring and start school in the fall of 2010.
I have searched online for jobs in the Birmingham area and have found some that look interesting. My thought process behind moving to Birmingham a year before I want to start school is threefold: 1. establish residency so I can get in-state tuition 2. save money to pay off the loan I will surely need 3. Dru. Now, I'm sure you see the obvious drawbacks here...what if Dru and I don't work out? What if I can't find a job when it actually comes time? What if I don't get in? Etc. Etc. Etc...
Hear me out...I want to be in the advertising industry. I am taking the only advertising-related class offered in my program and I enjoy it so much more than any other class I have taken. There are plenty of advertising programs elsewhere in the nation, mostly in the North, but as of right now, I don't really see myself moving North. I have nothing against it, I just have more friends and connections in the Midwest and southern states. The program at Alabama is great and seems to fit exactly what I am looking for, which most other schools don't.
Here comes the toughest part...how do I talk to Dru about it? He has mentioned me moving down to Alabama many times, but I haven't responded seriously, yet. Last weekend I lightly mentioned the advertising program at UA and he seemed genuinely excited.
On the other hand, if I were to try to find a job here in Raleigh, I probably wouldn't have much luck. I don't know how to approach my current bosses and ask if there is any chance of me growing within my current company when I graduate. I would love to stay on, if I don't go to Alabama, but I don't see any real potential for me here.
Oh the dilemmas of my life.
I'm really going to have to get on decorating my apartment though, because I think Dru is finally coming to visit in a few weeks. If you have any suggestions for places to find these items (reasonably priced) or have any creative ideas they will be greatly appreciated:
- Standing mirror
- Duvet cover with monogram
- Wall decorations (frames, art, etc.)
I guess I should put up some pictures of the apartment to help everyone visualize...I will try to remember!
*Sorry it didn't turn out so brief!
10.21.2008
He's Just Not That Into You
There is a book called He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, I haven’t read it, but I need to. It seems like every guy I start to get involved with disappears. I’m having some trouble with Dru. When I left a week ago from the Atlanta airport I thought for sure things with Dru were going to take off. He was so sincere in his goodbye and we had such a great weekend. However, since then we have barely talked. We talked on the phone a lot on Thursday, which was nice, but since then we only talked on Sunday when he called but I lost signal and told him I would call him back. 5 minutes after, I called back there was no answer. After another hour passed without a call from him I texted, “I called you back.” I got no response and haven’t heard from him since.
Am I missing something? Things seemed great on Thursday and fine during the few minutes on the phone yesterday. I think I need to read the book, because apparently he just isn’t that into me. I am so confused. I know he is busy with his job, and doing whatever else, but I don’t understand why he doesn’t call more often?
‘You could call him’ is a response I would expect after this story. My response to that is lame, but if he wanted to talk to me, he would call. Again another response, ‘Maybe he thinks you should call.’ He is very old fashioned, and I am too. I think it is the boy’s responsibility to call and pay for dinner and all of that good stuff. And we have kind of established through habit that I don’t call him.
I am in that horrible spot where I don’t know what I should be expecting because I don’t know “what we are.” And having that talk is something I would really rather him bring up. But here I am getting mad that he doesn’t call enough. What is the deal? Am I overreacting or being childish? Is he just not that into me?
Any and all advice will be greatly appreciated!
UPDATE: Dru called this morning a few minutes after I got into work. I was contemplating answering it because I generally don't take personal calls at work (...but I blog, facebook, check email etc). I figured I should answer it because I have been complaining about him not calling. Turns out he wants me to come down next Thursday and go to a Halloween costume party for his company. Friday is a party at his house, and Saturday is a big game at Ole Miss. Here is why I didn't immediately say yes (although I desperately wanted to):
1. I've never been to a company party...let alone a company costume party! I originally planned on being Amy Winehouse, but I'm guessing that won't be appropriate! :)
2. Roomie and I have been planning (for months) to go to the New Kids on the Block concert that same night.
3. Roomie and I have also been planning to go to Chapel Hill the next day for Halloween for quite some time.
My proposed solution: I have talked to my sister and offered my NKOTB ticket to her free of charge to go with roomie (they get along just fine). She says she will probably be able to go. Roomie should be OK with me missing Halloween, because she has plenty other friends in Ch. Hill and I have talked about missing it before. Your thoughts?
Am I missing something? Things seemed great on Thursday and fine during the few minutes on the phone yesterday. I think I need to read the book, because apparently he just isn’t that into me. I am so confused. I know he is busy with his job, and doing whatever else, but I don’t understand why he doesn’t call more often?
‘You could call him’ is a response I would expect after this story. My response to that is lame, but if he wanted to talk to me, he would call. Again another response, ‘Maybe he thinks you should call.’ He is very old fashioned, and I am too. I think it is the boy’s responsibility to call and pay for dinner and all of that good stuff. And we have kind of established through habit that I don’t call him.
I am in that horrible spot where I don’t know what I should be expecting because I don’t know “what we are.” And having that talk is something I would really rather him bring up. But here I am getting mad that he doesn’t call enough. What is the deal? Am I overreacting or being childish? Is he just not that into me?
Any and all advice will be greatly appreciated!
UPDATE: Dru called this morning a few minutes after I got into work. I was contemplating answering it because I generally don't take personal calls at work (...but I blog, facebook, check email etc). I figured I should answer it because I have been complaining about him not calling. Turns out he wants me to come down next Thursday and go to a Halloween costume party for his company. Friday is a party at his house, and Saturday is a big game at Ole Miss. Here is why I didn't immediately say yes (although I desperately wanted to):
1. I've never been to a company party...let alone a company costume party! I originally planned on being Amy Winehouse, but I'm guessing that won't be appropriate! :)
2. Roomie and I have been planning (for months) to go to the New Kids on the Block concert that same night.
3. Roomie and I have also been planning to go to Chapel Hill the next day for Halloween for quite some time.
My proposed solution: I have talked to my sister and offered my NKOTB ticket to her free of charge to go with roomie (they get along just fine). She says she will probably be able to go. Roomie should be OK with me missing Halloween, because she has plenty other friends in Ch. Hill and I have talked about missing it before. Your thoughts?
10.14.2008
Another Trip to See Dru!
I've been gone for a while, and I apologize. But here is what happened to me while I was away...
Thursday was my Mom's birthday. We spent the day in the car driving 6.5 hours down to Atlanta. I have never been outside of the airport in Atlanta, and I loved being able to see downtown. We didn't really explore the city, but driving to the hotel I was able to see the basics. Our hotel was right next to the airport and we had a room that faced the runways. As boring as it sounds, it was really cool to watch planes take off and land! Mom and I spent the first night in the concierge lounge and hotel bar. It was good to have some time for just me and her, seeing as our relationship isn't the closest in the family.
Friday my mom was busy doing work things so I slept in, went for breakfast and a workout. I helped her with her work a little then got ready to go to dinner with her and Dru. We went to dinner at the Atlanta Fish Market in Buckhead. It was DELICIOUS! Of course the fish was fresh, and the rest of the food was to die for too. I was so nervous for the three of us to have dinner together because the only time my mom has met Dru was at the wedding that I met him. She didn't really get to talk with him at the wedding, so I considered this to be the first real meeting. I don't know what I was worried about, but I guess I like Dru so much now that I didn't want anything to go wrong. Dinner went great, Mom loved Dru and Dru loved Mom.
Dru and I then rode back to Birmingham and met his brother and some friends out. We had a great night and I drank entirely too much. There was a lot of dancing and I'm willing to bet it wasn't pretty. Dru always tells me he is falling in love with me when he is drunk, so I always respond with, "Tell me that when you aren't drunk." So this weekend when I said that he goes, "OK I'll tell you first thing in the morning."
He didn't.
But that is OK. I didn't expect him to actually do it.
Saturday we laid around, watched football, then went to a friend's house. I wasn't feeling good at all that day so I may have come off as a bitch at the friend's house. I feel bad about not being friendly, but I literally felt like something besides words were going to come out of my mouth every time I opened it. It wasn't a whole lot of fun, but I just enjoyed being with Dru. We went to bed early that night, in anticipation of skydiving the next morning.
Sunday morning we get up early, are dressed, ready and 20 minutes out of town when I notice it is kind of cloudy. Dru suggests we call and see if they still jump in the clouds.
They don't.
So we couldn't go! I was so upset, because skydiving is something I have wanted to do forever, but there is nothing we could do. Dru was really mad as well. I guess we will just be rescheduling...
I was nervous with all of this free time Dru would take me to meet his parents. I want to meet them, but I was in jeans and a t-shirt with wet hair. This is not the first impression I was hoping to make. Thankfully, we didn't wind up doing that, instead we went to the zoo. It was so much fun. I love going to the zoo and it was great to just spend time with Dru. He is so sweet. I didn't use my debit card all weekend, and I'm pretty sure I didn't open a single door for myself either.
Finally it was time to go. I really didn't want to leave, but with school, work and all of my other responsibilities back home I really didn't have a choice. Dru wanted to take me to his favorite Brazilian restaurant in Atlanta, so we left Birmingham early. As it turns out, we didn't leave early enough. We hit some traffic so we didn't have enough time to go eat at the Brazilian restaurant. He wound up coming in the airport with me and eating at a restaurant there. Over dinner he questioned me about what I plan to do when I graduate in 6 MONTHS! AHH! I have no idea, and I told him this. There are tons of things I want to do, but don't have the means to do. My realistic options aren't exciting and I don't want to stick to a path that most people travel.
Then the surprise came. Dru said, "Why don't you move down to Birmingham and get your MBA at UAB?" I was totally taken back by this just because we haven't really known each other that long. I was so surprised I just responded with, "I don't have any friends in Birmingham." We kind of passed over the topic lightly, but I am so happy he mentioned it. I feel now like he really does have feelings for me, and to tell you the truth it kind of got my hopes up. I would LOVE to move to Birmingham and be able to see him each day. But isn't it too early for me to be thinking like that?! I have no idea.
We said our goodbyes, and it seemed like he really didn't want me to leave as much as I didn't want to leave. But I did, and I'm back to boring reality. He didn't call last night which surprises me because we had such a good weekend together, but I'm not letting it get to me. Hopefully he will call tonight.
I want to just let go of all of my fears and let myself like him as much as I think I do, but I'm nervous I'm going to screw it up or something. I would write more, but I need to organize my thoughts before I do so. What do y'all think of all of this?
Enough of that for now, it's almost 5 o'clock and time for me to go home! I hope everyone had a GREAT weekend!
Thursday was my Mom's birthday. We spent the day in the car driving 6.5 hours down to Atlanta. I have never been outside of the airport in Atlanta, and I loved being able to see downtown. We didn't really explore the city, but driving to the hotel I was able to see the basics. Our hotel was right next to the airport and we had a room that faced the runways. As boring as it sounds, it was really cool to watch planes take off and land! Mom and I spent the first night in the concierge lounge and hotel bar. It was good to have some time for just me and her, seeing as our relationship isn't the closest in the family.
Friday my mom was busy doing work things so I slept in, went for breakfast and a workout. I helped her with her work a little then got ready to go to dinner with her and Dru. We went to dinner at the Atlanta Fish Market in Buckhead. It was DELICIOUS! Of course the fish was fresh, and the rest of the food was to die for too. I was so nervous for the three of us to have dinner together because the only time my mom has met Dru was at the wedding that I met him. She didn't really get to talk with him at the wedding, so I considered this to be the first real meeting. I don't know what I was worried about, but I guess I like Dru so much now that I didn't want anything to go wrong. Dinner went great, Mom loved Dru and Dru loved Mom.
Dru and I then rode back to Birmingham and met his brother and some friends out. We had a great night and I drank entirely too much. There was a lot of dancing and I'm willing to bet it wasn't pretty. Dru always tells me he is falling in love with me when he is drunk, so I always respond with, "Tell me that when you aren't drunk." So this weekend when I said that he goes, "OK I'll tell you first thing in the morning."
He didn't.
But that is OK. I didn't expect him to actually do it.
Saturday we laid around, watched football, then went to a friend's house. I wasn't feeling good at all that day so I may have come off as a bitch at the friend's house. I feel bad about not being friendly, but I literally felt like something besides words were going to come out of my mouth every time I opened it. It wasn't a whole lot of fun, but I just enjoyed being with Dru. We went to bed early that night, in anticipation of skydiving the next morning.
Sunday morning we get up early, are dressed, ready and 20 minutes out of town when I notice it is kind of cloudy. Dru suggests we call and see if they still jump in the clouds.
They don't.
So we couldn't go! I was so upset, because skydiving is something I have wanted to do forever, but there is nothing we could do. Dru was really mad as well. I guess we will just be rescheduling...
I was nervous with all of this free time Dru would take me to meet his parents. I want to meet them, but I was in jeans and a t-shirt with wet hair. This is not the first impression I was hoping to make. Thankfully, we didn't wind up doing that, instead we went to the zoo. It was so much fun. I love going to the zoo and it was great to just spend time with Dru. He is so sweet. I didn't use my debit card all weekend, and I'm pretty sure I didn't open a single door for myself either.
Finally it was time to go. I really didn't want to leave, but with school, work and all of my other responsibilities back home I really didn't have a choice. Dru wanted to take me to his favorite Brazilian restaurant in Atlanta, so we left Birmingham early. As it turns out, we didn't leave early enough. We hit some traffic so we didn't have enough time to go eat at the Brazilian restaurant. He wound up coming in the airport with me and eating at a restaurant there. Over dinner he questioned me about what I plan to do when I graduate in 6 MONTHS! AHH! I have no idea, and I told him this. There are tons of things I want to do, but don't have the means to do. My realistic options aren't exciting and I don't want to stick to a path that most people travel.
Then the surprise came. Dru said, "Why don't you move down to Birmingham and get your MBA at UAB?" I was totally taken back by this just because we haven't really known each other that long. I was so surprised I just responded with, "I don't have any friends in Birmingham." We kind of passed over the topic lightly, but I am so happy he mentioned it. I feel now like he really does have feelings for me, and to tell you the truth it kind of got my hopes up. I would LOVE to move to Birmingham and be able to see him each day. But isn't it too early for me to be thinking like that?! I have no idea.
We said our goodbyes, and it seemed like he really didn't want me to leave as much as I didn't want to leave. But I did, and I'm back to boring reality. He didn't call last night which surprises me because we had such a good weekend together, but I'm not letting it get to me. Hopefully he will call tonight.
I want to just let go of all of my fears and let myself like him as much as I think I do, but I'm nervous I'm going to screw it up or something. I would write more, but I need to organize my thoughts before I do so. What do y'all think of all of this?
Enough of that for now, it's almost 5 o'clock and time for me to go home! I hope everyone had a GREAT weekend!
9.16.2008
Quarter-Life Crisis
I'm 21 and I have no idea who I am. This blog may sound whiny...but I have to write it, for my sanity.
When I dated Gary (for 5 years) I got used to my life, the every-day events, and basically thought I knew who I was. Or maybe I did know who I was then, but now I have changed? I'm not really sure. My whole life was centered around Gary. I think maybe I was no one because I let myself be absorbed by him (through no fault of his own). But now I'm at a point where I want, need, to be me. My only problem is, I don't know who I am or want to be.
I take that back. There are a ton of things I want to be, but don't see happening in reality. I want to be a person who doesn't judge others, who has time to volunteer, who can truly be happy for others even if it inconveniences me. I want to be a better person, and have been trying, admittedly half-assed, since Gary and I broke up.
Gah, this is so hard to put into words and make sense of it all.
Currently, I see myself as average. Maybe even a little less than average. I have no passions. Sure there are material things I love (fashion), but I have no true passion. No great love. In my spare time I read and watch TV, hang out with friends or whatever. For instance, I can associate one word to most of my friends that describes them (and their passion). For my friend Mimi - God. Sister - health. Gary - music. I could go on all day, but the point is, when I think of one thing that describes me I can't come up with a single thing.
I am stuck in my last year of college studying something I am neither interested or uninterested in, but don't have the resources to go back and re-do college. I am at a boring job, that at first taught me a lot, but now has formed a plateau and become repetitive.
I am frustrated with the fact that I thought I needed to get away from Gary to grow as a person, on my own. But it isn't happening. When am I going to have the drive and determination to become someone? To find a passion?
What brings this all on, you may ask? Well...my mom spoke to her friend last night who knows Dru and his family very well. As it turns out, Dru's family is amazing. They have endless amounts of money, all which they are willing to give away. They donate to many charities, take friends on lavish trips, and here is the clincher, allowed Natalee Holloway's family to use their personal jet numerous times to go to Aruba to search for her. According to my mom's friend, they are the most generous people. She said they are super nice and not one of the snobby-rich families. Dru's mom battled breast cancer and survived, does volunteer work, and is basically a great person.
So basically, I'm going down to visit Dru this weekend. I don't think I will be meeting his parents, but I will be with him and his brother all weekend. Here I am, currently feeling like I have nothing to offer, going to spend time with the Mother Teresa's of the south. I'm nervous I won't be able to live up to them, to impress them, or to be even close to being on par with them. I may be thinking too much about this, over analyzing it, but it is important to me so I can't stop obsessing.
I am shy around new people, and sometimes come off bitchy, so of course I'm worried about that. I really just want to be able to be myself around Dru, but I don't know who I am. I have become accustomed to being different people in different situations, so I have no idea who my true self is. I am always worried that my actions/reactions will not please others or I will not be viewed positively through others' eyes.
I welcome any advice with open arms, but I have to tell you truthfully...I don't know what will help? This seems like a problem for a licensed therapist, right? Hah.
So here is the end of my rant, and I actually feel good. I kind of feel like I have organized it into the most understandable, logic way possible. I'm sorry if this post isn't as upbeat as most of my others, but a cold rain came into town today and I'm thinking that has something to do with it.
When I dated Gary (for 5 years) I got used to my life, the every-day events, and basically thought I knew who I was. Or maybe I did know who I was then, but now I have changed? I'm not really sure. My whole life was centered around Gary. I think maybe I was no one because I let myself be absorbed by him (through no fault of his own). But now I'm at a point where I want, need, to be me. My only problem is, I don't know who I am or want to be.
I take that back. There are a ton of things I want to be, but don't see happening in reality. I want to be a person who doesn't judge others, who has time to volunteer, who can truly be happy for others even if it inconveniences me. I want to be a better person, and have been trying, admittedly half-assed, since Gary and I broke up.
Gah, this is so hard to put into words and make sense of it all.
Currently, I see myself as average. Maybe even a little less than average. I have no passions. Sure there are material things I love (fashion), but I have no true passion. No great love. In my spare time I read and watch TV, hang out with friends or whatever. For instance, I can associate one word to most of my friends that describes them (and their passion). For my friend Mimi - God. Sister - health. Gary - music. I could go on all day, but the point is, when I think of one thing that describes me I can't come up with a single thing.
I am stuck in my last year of college studying something I am neither interested or uninterested in, but don't have the resources to go back and re-do college. I am at a boring job, that at first taught me a lot, but now has formed a plateau and become repetitive.
I am frustrated with the fact that I thought I needed to get away from Gary to grow as a person, on my own. But it isn't happening. When am I going to have the drive and determination to become someone? To find a passion?
What brings this all on, you may ask? Well...my mom spoke to her friend last night who knows Dru and his family very well. As it turns out, Dru's family is amazing. They have endless amounts of money, all which they are willing to give away. They donate to many charities, take friends on lavish trips, and here is the clincher, allowed Natalee Holloway's family to use their personal jet numerous times to go to Aruba to search for her. According to my mom's friend, they are the most generous people. She said they are super nice and not one of the snobby-rich families. Dru's mom battled breast cancer and survived, does volunteer work, and is basically a great person.
So basically, I'm going down to visit Dru this weekend. I don't think I will be meeting his parents, but I will be with him and his brother all weekend. Here I am, currently feeling like I have nothing to offer, going to spend time with the Mother Teresa's of the south. I'm nervous I won't be able to live up to them, to impress them, or to be even close to being on par with them. I may be thinking too much about this, over analyzing it, but it is important to me so I can't stop obsessing.
I am shy around new people, and sometimes come off bitchy, so of course I'm worried about that. I really just want to be able to be myself around Dru, but I don't know who I am. I have become accustomed to being different people in different situations, so I have no idea who my true self is. I am always worried that my actions/reactions will not please others or I will not be viewed positively through others' eyes.
I welcome any advice with open arms, but I have to tell you truthfully...I don't know what will help? This seems like a problem for a licensed therapist, right? Hah.
So here is the end of my rant, and I actually feel good. I kind of feel like I have organized it into the most understandable, logic way possible. I'm sorry if this post isn't as upbeat as most of my others, but a cold rain came into town today and I'm thinking that has something to do with it.
9.09.2008
Blogger Advice?
Hi everyone! I hope all is well in the blog-world. I really don't like getting used to blogging only a couple of times a week. But it is what it is, right? There haven't been many developments in my real life this week. A few with Dru though...
Last week he texted me to see when I would want to come to his hometown for a visit! I was totally excited, but not looking forward to the 9 hour drive or $400 plane ticket. I told him this, and I'm almost 100% positive he will be getting me a plane ticket! WTF!? Gary, the ex, hardly even paid when we went on dates. I have never had anyone pay for my things and now THIS! I'm so overwhelmed that I don't even know if I can accept such a thing.
I finally got to talk on the phone with Dru for quite a while last night and that was fun. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm stupid though - like a dumb blonde. This is mostly due to the fact that I had no idea what I was doing in Columbia, and probably came off as an idiot. I realize that I have my shining blonde moments, but I happen to have a 3.8 GPA and consider myself pretty smart. I told Dru that I work in the investment banking field but was studying marketing. He got a kick out of this and told me they probably hired me because of my looks! I was actually quite offended and tried to defend myself, but his phone was acting weird and I don't think I properly got the point across.
Anyways, we had discussed me coming to visit this weekend, but there is a big game the next weekend that he thinks will be more fun. People, if this actually does happen, I'm going to be a mess in the days before. I am already nervous, and it's not even final that I'm going. I'm nervous about meeting his friends, spending so much time with him and just being out of my element. And the thing is: I don't really even know him! The two times we have hung out we have been drunk for the most part. I know he is a safe, respectable guy through other people (long story), so I'm not worried about that, but it's just so not like me to jet off to hang out with some dude I hardly know!
These days I'm all about 'living on the edge', as corny as it sounds. But I want to live my young life to the fullest and not have regrets. That is why, if he offers a plane ticket, I will accept. I am pulling myself out of my comfort zone and into new situations to force personal growth. If things don't go great, I will come home and get on with my life. If things go great, who knows, I might just be looking for a job further south come May. Haha!
As for Ed, he is coming the last weekend of September and I have agreed to let him stay at our place. And I also agreed to take him down to Wilmington (2 hour drive) for his flight home. Here is the hard part: I'm not really that interested in him anymore. I have a terrible problem of dropping anything, not thinking of who I might hurt in the process, for the next best thing.
I'm hoping that Ed has realized that things aren't going to go any further mainly due to the long distance between us. Also, we never really discussed what happened with us, so I don't feel like there is any formal commitment. So, technically, I'm out of the woods. But emotionally, I don't know where he is at.
I'm not really looking forward to him staying at our place anymore, I actually really don't want him there, but I don't think I can un-invite him. His visit might shape up to be the most awkward of all time. I'm going to wait on telling Ed anything definite after I see what happens with Dru.
Here is my ideal situation:
Dru flies me down to his hometown, we have a great time. Maybe even make plans for another visit.
When Ed comes, I have a legit reason to ask him to stay elsewhere. Explaining to him about Dru, and then everything is out in the open.
With my luck though, none of that will come true. If anyone has comments/suggestions I would love to hear them!
Last week he texted me to see when I would want to come to his hometown for a visit! I was totally excited, but not looking forward to the 9 hour drive or $400 plane ticket. I told him this, and I'm almost 100% positive he will be getting me a plane ticket! WTF!? Gary, the ex, hardly even paid when we went on dates. I have never had anyone pay for my things and now THIS! I'm so overwhelmed that I don't even know if I can accept such a thing.
I finally got to talk on the phone with Dru for quite a while last night and that was fun. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm stupid though - like a dumb blonde. This is mostly due to the fact that I had no idea what I was doing in Columbia, and probably came off as an idiot. I realize that I have my shining blonde moments, but I happen to have a 3.8 GPA and consider myself pretty smart. I told Dru that I work in the investment banking field but was studying marketing. He got a kick out of this and told me they probably hired me because of my looks! I was actually quite offended and tried to defend myself, but his phone was acting weird and I don't think I properly got the point across.
Anyways, we had discussed me coming to visit this weekend, but there is a big game the next weekend that he thinks will be more fun. People, if this actually does happen, I'm going to be a mess in the days before. I am already nervous, and it's not even final that I'm going. I'm nervous about meeting his friends, spending so much time with him and just being out of my element. And the thing is: I don't really even know him! The two times we have hung out we have been drunk for the most part. I know he is a safe, respectable guy through other people (long story), so I'm not worried about that, but it's just so not like me to jet off to hang out with some dude I hardly know!
These days I'm all about 'living on the edge', as corny as it sounds. But I want to live my young life to the fullest and not have regrets. That is why, if he offers a plane ticket, I will accept. I am pulling myself out of my comfort zone and into new situations to force personal growth. If things don't go great, I will come home and get on with my life. If things go great, who knows, I might just be looking for a job further south come May. Haha!
As for Ed, he is coming the last weekend of September and I have agreed to let him stay at our place. And I also agreed to take him down to Wilmington (2 hour drive) for his flight home. Here is the hard part: I'm not really that interested in him anymore. I have a terrible problem of dropping anything, not thinking of who I might hurt in the process, for the next best thing.
I'm hoping that Ed has realized that things aren't going to go any further mainly due to the long distance between us. Also, we never really discussed what happened with us, so I don't feel like there is any formal commitment. So, technically, I'm out of the woods. But emotionally, I don't know where he is at.
I'm not really looking forward to him staying at our place anymore, I actually really don't want him there, but I don't think I can un-invite him. His visit might shape up to be the most awkward of all time. I'm going to wait on telling Ed anything definite after I see what happens with Dru.
Here is my ideal situation:
Dru flies me down to his hometown, we have a great time. Maybe even make plans for another visit.
When Ed comes, I have a legit reason to ask him to stay elsewhere. Explaining to him about Dru, and then everything is out in the open.
With my luck though, none of that will come true. If anyone has comments/suggestions I would love to hear them!
8.05.2008
Dilemma's #3 & 4
Well I know one thing is for sure, I can always post my problems and ask for advice!
Dilemma #3:
I want/kinda need a new car. I currently drive a SUV and it is getting old. I want a new car really bad, specifically a Lexus IS 250. I am in no shape to take on a payment without getting a loan. Here are some of my thoughts...
-I have heard it is easier to get a loan while a student (maybe easy isn't really the right word, but I'm referring to the interest rates...they are lower for students?)
-The Lexus dealership in my city offers a special leasing program for students about to graduate and those who have recently graduated (I don't know the specifics of this program though)
-I am pretty sure if I were to lease said car I would be able to keep it under the mileage limit
-My car is occasionally doing some funky stuff that my dad believes to be transmission issues
So, my question to you is - Do you think I should sell the car before it completely dies and buy/lease a new one? Also, does anyone have any opinions about leasing. I have never experienced it first hand (my parent's have always bought cars) so I don't really know the pros and cons (except the mileage thing).
Alsooo...I heard on GMA this morning then read an article in The Consumerist about trading in an SUV for less of a gas-guzzler might not be the best decision. The article lead me to this website in which you put in the car you want and the car you have and it basically tells you how long it will take to break even (saving gas) if you purchased the car. I think for me it said a ridiculous amount of time like 19 years!
Dilemma #4:
I know I told y'all that I was going back to LA, but I don't think I told you the story behind my return visit:
My friend Al (who is like my BFF-dude) just turned 21. His family took him on a series of vacays for his birthday. They started out in Disney World, then went on a cruise to the Bahamas and Turks and Caicos. Next he flew up to Chicago to visit friends that he met while studying abroad, headed down to Indiana (where he currently is now). Next Al will go to Las Vegas with the family then over to Colorado to visit more friends from study abroad. His last stop is lovely Los Angeles.
And this, my friends, is why I am going back (and because of Ed, the partying and I just love the city).
Ed and his roommate Pat will both be working the whole time so I took it upon myself to be Al's tour guide around the city. I have planned the whole trip out, itinerary and all. The last full day we have in the city we will be attempting to attend a taping of The Price is Right.
The first two times I went to LA I tried to get on the show. Both times arriving just a tad bit too late. This time, however, I will not be making that mistake. I really really really want to go to the taping (even though Bob Barker won't be there). There are three things I know about going to the show:
-show up early
-bring your ss card
-be entertaining in line
I know there is a slim chance of anyone actually relating to this dilemma, but if you or anyone you know has ever attended a show/knows anything about attending the show - I would love some insider tips!
Dilemma #3:
I want/kinda need a new car. I currently drive a SUV and it is getting old. I want a new car really bad, specifically a Lexus IS 250. I am in no shape to take on a payment without getting a loan. Here are some of my thoughts...
-I have heard it is easier to get a loan while a student (maybe easy isn't really the right word, but I'm referring to the interest rates...they are lower for students?)
-The Lexus dealership in my city offers a special leasing program for students about to graduate and those who have recently graduated (I don't know the specifics of this program though)
-I am pretty sure if I were to lease said car I would be able to keep it under the mileage limit
-My car is occasionally doing some funky stuff that my dad believes to be transmission issues
So, my question to you is - Do you think I should sell the car before it completely dies and buy/lease a new one? Also, does anyone have any opinions about leasing. I have never experienced it first hand (my parent's have always bought cars) so I don't really know the pros and cons (except the mileage thing).
Alsooo...I heard on GMA this morning then read an article in The Consumerist about trading in an SUV for less of a gas-guzzler might not be the best decision. The article lead me to this website in which you put in the car you want and the car you have and it basically tells you how long it will take to break even (saving gas) if you purchased the car. I think for me it said a ridiculous amount of time like 19 years!
Dilemma #4:
I know I told y'all that I was going back to LA, but I don't think I told you the story behind my return visit:
My friend Al (who is like my BFF-dude) just turned 21. His family took him on a series of vacays for his birthday. They started out in Disney World, then went on a cruise to the Bahamas and Turks and Caicos. Next he flew up to Chicago to visit friends that he met while studying abroad, headed down to Indiana (where he currently is now). Next Al will go to Las Vegas with the family then over to Colorado to visit more friends from study abroad. His last stop is lovely Los Angeles.
And this, my friends, is why I am going back (and because of Ed, the partying and I just love the city).
Ed and his roommate Pat will both be working the whole time so I took it upon myself to be Al's tour guide around the city. I have planned the whole trip out, itinerary and all. The last full day we have in the city we will be attempting to attend a taping of The Price is Right.
The first two times I went to LA I tried to get on the show. Both times arriving just a tad bit too late. This time, however, I will not be making that mistake. I really really really want to go to the taping (even though Bob Barker won't be there). There are three things I know about going to the show:
-show up early
-bring your ss card
-be entertaining in line
I know there is a slim chance of anyone actually relating to this dilemma, but if you or anyone you know has ever attended a show/knows anything about attending the show - I would love some insider tips!
7.25.2008
Dilemma #2
My next dilemma that I would like you input on is this (and I will try to keep it as simple as possible):
Remember Ed? The guy I went to visit in LA? Well...there is a little bit about the vacation I didn't tell you about. Me and Ed were more than just friends while I was there. GASP! SHOCK! Haha...I know.
Background:
Ed is one of Gary's (my ex) best friends. Ed and I became such good friends because of Gary. We would all hang out together pretty much every night for 5 years. Yes I said it, people. Half a decade. I practically lived with the boys my freshman year of college because I hated the dorms. So, Ed has always been a great friend. We have never come close to hooking up or anything before this trip - like the idea had never crossed my mind.
But apparently it had crossed his...
So he was really sweet while I was visiting. I honestly don't think I touched a door the whole time (read:he opened all of them for me, duh). He didn't pay for meals (I didn't expect him to) and we weren't obviously flirty in public. But nighttimes were a different story.
I thought things would be awkward that first morning, but they weren't! Not one single bit! And so basically to sum things up, we have been texting almost everyday since I left. (I have been gone for 2 weeks)
Here is where I'm going to sound really girly and childish:
I love talking to him. Every conversation makes me laugh. I know I can text him at the end of a bad day and he will turn my mood right around. Just sitting here right now, I want to text him. I think about him all of the time. So basically, what I'm saying is, I wouldn't mind if things developed.
But we never talked about anything. Like we didn't address the fact that I dated his bf for 5 years and randomly we are hooking up? But I get the feeling that maybe he enjoyed it too. Like maybe he wouldn't mind if things developed either? I realize that long distance relationships are tough (Gary and I did it for a while). And the next step for Ed and me is unclear, but I feel like I want something more.
It is frustrating because Ed lives so far away of course, but it is more nerve racking to know that he needs to move home.
Here is his deal: Ed moved to LA because Gary and a friend had moved out there to pursue a career in the entertainment business...and so did Ed, eventually. Well, he has been in LA over a year now and hasn't really done anything worthy (I know that sounds harsh, but it is the truth). And I know for a fact he isn't making great money - and his parents have cut him off.
So, I have come to conclude that I want him to move home for financial reasons and for me. Hah :)
The next times I will see him are:
Aug 14-19 (I go back to LA)
Sept TBD (He comes home for sister's wedding)
December (Not for sure, but most likely for Christmas)
My question to you: What should I do? Any advice/suggestions/observations would be greatly appreciated!
Remember Ed? The guy I went to visit in LA? Well...there is a little bit about the vacation I didn't tell you about. Me and Ed were more than just friends while I was there. GASP! SHOCK! Haha...I know.
Background:
Ed is one of Gary's (my ex) best friends. Ed and I became such good friends because of Gary. We would all hang out together pretty much every night for 5 years. Yes I said it, people. Half a decade. I practically lived with the boys my freshman year of college because I hated the dorms. So, Ed has always been a great friend. We have never come close to hooking up or anything before this trip - like the idea had never crossed my mind.
But apparently it had crossed his...
So he was really sweet while I was visiting. I honestly don't think I touched a door the whole time (read:he opened all of them for me, duh). He didn't pay for meals (I didn't expect him to) and we weren't obviously flirty in public. But nighttimes were a different story.
I thought things would be awkward that first morning, but they weren't! Not one single bit! And so basically to sum things up, we have been texting almost everyday since I left. (I have been gone for 2 weeks)
Here is where I'm going to sound really girly and childish:
I love talking to him. Every conversation makes me laugh. I know I can text him at the end of a bad day and he will turn my mood right around. Just sitting here right now, I want to text him. I think about him all of the time. So basically, what I'm saying is, I wouldn't mind if things developed.
But we never talked about anything. Like we didn't address the fact that I dated his bf for 5 years and randomly we are hooking up? But I get the feeling that maybe he enjoyed it too. Like maybe he wouldn't mind if things developed either? I realize that long distance relationships are tough (Gary and I did it for a while). And the next step for Ed and me is unclear, but I feel like I want something more.
It is frustrating because Ed lives so far away of course, but it is more nerve racking to know that he needs to move home.
Here is his deal: Ed moved to LA because Gary and a friend had moved out there to pursue a career in the entertainment business...and so did Ed, eventually. Well, he has been in LA over a year now and hasn't really done anything worthy (I know that sounds harsh, but it is the truth). And I know for a fact he isn't making great money - and his parents have cut him off.
So, I have come to conclude that I want him to move home for financial reasons and for me. Hah :)
The next times I will see him are:
Aug 14-19 (I go back to LA)
Sept TBD (He comes home for sister's wedding)
December (Not for sure, but most likely for Christmas)
My question to you: What should I do? Any advice/suggestions/observations would be greatly appreciated!
7.23.2008
Dilemma #1
I have two dilemmas. I think I only have time to post one today though because I get off of work in 30. Hmm...which one should I choose?
OK I'll go with the sister problem.
I have a sister. Haley, for blogsake, is two years my senior (has graduated college obvi) and is working on her PhD in physical therapy.
You think to yourself, "Wow. Smart." Right?
Wrong.
She is book smart and all that and has normal common sense I guess, but she has one MAJOR flaw that bugs me soooo bad.
She lies.
I'm not talking she tells me she thinks a shirt looks good when it really doesn't. I'm talking she lies for NO REASON. If she wanted me to think it was a beautiful day in the city she lives in, despite the fact they actually had hail storms, she would lie about it. For example, when we were doing zip lines down a mountain in MEXICO (read:no potential guys for miles - only Mexican tour guides) she was bragging about how she did the New York Marathon.
Hold up. Wait a minute. Put a little lie in it.
She has not done the NYM, let alone a marathon, let alone a half marathon! WHAT!?! WHAT!?! WHY!?! Why on earth would she tell a Mexican tour guide (who was not attractive at all) that she had done this? What was she going to benefit from it?
Ok, don't think that is that weird? Try this one on for size:
When we were in high school (yes, she has been doing this for YEARS) I couldn't find a bathing suit I had recently bought. This bathing suit was banging. I mean it made me look good except for one part...it had this silly little fake bow sewed onto the front in between the boobs. I cut that shit off right when I brought it home. Cut to a few weeks later when I am searching for it. Hmm...maybe Haley borrowed it and just forgot to ask. I search Haley's room and find it. She happens to come in when I am taking it out of the drawer and is all, "Are you stealing my bathing suit?" Me: "What? No! This is mine, I thought you just borrowed it."
After arguing over the bathing suit for sometime we finally take matters downstairs to the problem solver - Mom. The whole time I knew she was lying, but I just couldn't figure out how to prove it. AH HAH! The bow! I explained the cutting off of the bow and all and finally won the situation. Haley looked stupid for lying and everyone knew she had.
So the past is the past right? Nope. Not for Haley. She continues to lie. About everything from stories she makes up about going out to important stuff. I really want to have a good relationship with my sister and be great friends because we are so close in age and live so close. But I get so annoyed with her and her antics that I can hardly stand to be around her. And 90% of the time I suspect she is lying. Should I confront her? If so, how? When? Ahhhhh. This sucks. Why hasn't she learned by now?
OK I'll go with the sister problem.
I have a sister. Haley, for blogsake, is two years my senior (has graduated college obvi) and is working on her PhD in physical therapy.
You think to yourself, "Wow. Smart." Right?
Wrong.
She is book smart and all that and has normal common sense I guess, but she has one MAJOR flaw that bugs me soooo bad.
She lies.
I'm not talking she tells me she thinks a shirt looks good when it really doesn't. I'm talking she lies for NO REASON. If she wanted me to think it was a beautiful day in the city she lives in, despite the fact they actually had hail storms, she would lie about it. For example, when we were doing zip lines down a mountain in MEXICO (read:no potential guys for miles - only Mexican tour guides) she was bragging about how she did the New York Marathon.
Hold up. Wait a minute. Put a little lie in it.
She has not done the NYM, let alone a marathon, let alone a half marathon! WHAT!?! WHAT!?! WHY!?! Why on earth would she tell a Mexican tour guide (who was not attractive at all) that she had done this? What was she going to benefit from it?
Ok, don't think that is that weird? Try this one on for size:
When we were in high school (yes, she has been doing this for YEARS) I couldn't find a bathing suit I had recently bought. This bathing suit was banging. I mean it made me look good except for one part...it had this silly little fake bow sewed onto the front in between the boobs. I cut that shit off right when I brought it home. Cut to a few weeks later when I am searching for it. Hmm...maybe Haley borrowed it and just forgot to ask. I search Haley's room and find it. She happens to come in when I am taking it out of the drawer and is all, "Are you stealing my bathing suit?" Me: "What? No! This is mine, I thought you just borrowed it."
After arguing over the bathing suit for sometime we finally take matters downstairs to the problem solver - Mom. The whole time I knew she was lying, but I just couldn't figure out how to prove it. AH HAH! The bow! I explained the cutting off of the bow and all and finally won the situation. Haley looked stupid for lying and everyone knew she had.
So the past is the past right? Nope. Not for Haley. She continues to lie. About everything from stories she makes up about going out to important stuff. I really want to have a good relationship with my sister and be great friends because we are so close in age and live so close. But I get so annoyed with her and her antics that I can hardly stand to be around her. And 90% of the time I suspect she is lying. Should I confront her? If so, how? When? Ahhhhh. This sucks. Why hasn't she learned by now?
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