Bitter Sweet Sunday

I cried today. A lot. For a man who I hardly know. An old headmaster of mine died this past week. I didn't even know he was sick. My sister used to babysit for him and his wife. They have the most beautiful children. I cried so much. I'm crying writing this. I don't know why. I haven't seen or even thought about this man in probably 6 years. He had testicular cancer that no one found until it had spread to his lungs. I hate cancer. I want it to go away and not hurt anymore wonderful people. I'm scared it will affect me. I'm scared I will loose someone I love. I hate death. It is permanent and takes so much away. That sounds stupid, but it is just so scary. The closest person to me to die was a good friend who commit suicide almost 3 years ago. That was hard. I miss her. I don't want to have to miss anyone else I love. 

His wife kept a blog throughout his journey (3 years). I read it today after I heard the news. It is pure, raw emotion. She discusses the emotional journey - even the worst parts. She expresses how angry she was at him for having cancer. And how angry the kids were at him for having cancer. She explained (without sparing any detail) how she felt at every step. I cried hardest when she described a moment between her son and husband. The son was angry at the father for being sick. The son was scared. She described how the father talked with the son and how the son cried so hard his body convulsed. The son is probably 10 years old. I was so sad. I haven't been this sad in a long time.

I knew him as a headmaster, and not much more. But through her blog I have learned what a magnificent person he was. I am relieved for his wife that the long struggle is over, but I am incredibly sad for the family as well. He was a man committed to making education a better institution and I am sad that he is gone. It surprises me how much I am moved by this particular event. Reading her words and how he responded to the cancer, makes me want to live life for every moment. 

I want to make my life great. 

I want to positively impact as many people as I can. 

I want to stop living this materialistic, shallow life. 

What can I do? How do I change my life?

I'll end this post with a positive...Navy Boy called today. We got to talk for 40 minutes and I could hear him much better because he used a different phone. He wants me to come visit! I want to visit. I'll have to work on the details for that. I'll keep you posted.

Live everyday like it is your last. Love anyone and everyone. I'm going to make a change and it feels great.


Beth Dunn said...

I'm sorry you were sad. I hope you are feeling better. It's okay to like materialistic things and be a good person. As long as you care that is all that matters. Stay strong. xoxo

Tasha said...

I'm so sorry you lost someone who impacted your life to cancer. I agree it's a horrible disease and I've lost family members to it. If you want to get involved, the American Cancer Society Relay for Life is a great event that raises money for cancer research. I did it once and it was a very moving experience for me.
P.S. So glad you are talking to Navy Boy! Yay!