DRU UPDATE!

As I have mentioned, I've been Facebook free for about 3+ months now. Today I was creating an email campaign for my company and my boss asked me to send it out to a bunch of my friends too. Well the easiest way to get a bunch of email addresses that I don't have stored is Facebook. So I activated my account again and was looking people up when all of a sudden the stalkerish tendencies we all get on Facebook overwhelmed me. I went to Dru's page and noticed a bunch of new pictures posted. They are of him, his brother, another guy and three girls (hunting pictures). There are a ton of him and one particular girl. The two of them look alike, so at first I thought they were related...until I got to a picture that clearly indicated they are NOT related. 

It relieves me to know the split (if you can call it that) wasn't because of something I did, but because he found someone that suited him better. I have mixed emotions about it all. This is so superficial and conceited (please don't judge - I realize how shallow I'm about to sound), but she is wayyyy less cute than me. And there was even a picture of her with deer guts all over her! And when I think about it, I would be super jealous if she was cuter than me, but it makes me mad to know that my looks didn't pull through on this one (still shallow - I know). I will even go as deep as to say it is an insult to my personality. But roommie was super-smart enough to point out that if he was looking for someone to clean his deer for him, then he was totally barking up the wrong tree with me. I don't do that shit. Nor do I ever want to.

One of the biggest things that upset me when I first lost touch with Dru was the fact that I thought he was the 'perfect' guy. I'd never had a boyfriend like that, and frankly didn't think they existed. I was pissed that I let that go, but now I realize that I should be happy to have experienced it at all. Had Dru not treated me that way, I still wouldn't know what it feels like to have hope for the lesser sex (HA...still a little bitter). But seriously, I just had an epiphany and honestly do appreciate having him in my life, even for such a short time.

I'm on to find another Dru...who isn't so keen on killing animals.

PS - I'm super behind on my reader. School is kicking my ass and I'm actually doing work at work! Imagine that...But I promise I'll be back commenting soon!

Brain Fry

School/work/my future is frying my brain right now so you'll have to excuse my lack of creative writing. I have one class this semester that will most definitely prove to be my most intense and hardest class during my college career. I am not caught up in that class and I have a test in 2 days. Not to mention I also have a test right before that and one the next day.

I worked on updating my resume this weekend and that was quite an ordeal. My mom is a great help and I'm actually kind of pleased with it so far. I sound super smart and qualified. The stress of having to find a 'real' job in May is freaking me out. Come on Obama...fix this place before May...PUHLEASEEE!

I keep having dreams about Dru and it is pissing me off. He is physically and emotionally out of my life but he keeps sneaking in at night...WTF?! Can't I just get rid of him already? It is so frustrating.

Oh and I'm trying to pay down my bills so I am currently not shopping. That always adds to my stress level. But enough of my stresses. I am happy to be alive and healthy so I can't ask for too much more I guess. I will try to post some more creative things sometime this week but it's going to be incredibly busy so don't get your hopes up...but I do have a great recipe coming up tomorrow since I missed last Friday.

Have a good week y'all!

Dru is Haunting My Dreams...and A Confession

For the past few weeks I have had multiple dreams about Dru and I. In most of them we are back together doing normal things. Here goes the one from last night: my mom, sister and I were in B-ham for some organization she was a member of. They were having a dinner/function of sorts. First thing's first...we get a glass of wine. As we are heading over to the nearest table, Dru, his brother and mom walk up to the same table. We exchange pleasantries (the moms meet) and I'm cracking joke after joke. It was really a fun time, until Dru and I decided to go away from the group and talk. I sat him down and asked him why he disappeared without a word...

Apparently on some paperwork I had filled out there was a question that said, "Who are you currently dating?" (What kind of paperwork is this!?) I filled in the sheet with Dru's name...but put Gary's name out to the side. (Let me remind you here that Gary is the guy I dated for 5 years but broke up with 1.5 years ago) Dru pointed this out to me and said I had also called him Gary before. I explained to him that I have a horrible habit of calling people by the wrong name (this is true) and that I accidentally put Gary's name on the paperwork because I just wasn't thinking. Clearly Gary was a big part of my life and it was just a silly mistake that meant nothing.

As the conversation looked like it was going nowhere and Dru looked genuinely hurt, I told him that I had started to fall in love with him while we were seeing each other, which totally took him by surprise. The conversation continued and we wound up back together. End dream.

Now, I have to make a shameful confession. I haven't told the blog world about this because...well a lot of reasons, but #1 being I am ashamed of my actions. Here goes...sometime after Dru didn't come to visit in November I slept over at Gary's. It was definitely drunk-induced and I regret it for many reasons. Here is my side of the story (even though I know I shouldn't have done it): at the time Dru had just stood me up and was making no visible effort to reschedule, we never did discuss 'what we were' and I not too long before had someone asked him "Is that your girlfriend?" to which he responded "Sometimes" (he didn't know I heard). So obviously, to my credit, we had not discussed being exclusive. However, I see his side as well and know it was wrong.

Here is where it bothers me, during one of my first visits to B-ham Dru mentioned that if a girlfriend of his ever cheated on him that he would never talk to her again no matter what. And well, that is exactly what happened with us. But I wasn't his 'girlfriend' or if I was, he didn't let me know and...this is a big AND...he knows NONE of my friends except rommie. It is out of the question...in no way shape or form would I think she contacted him to tell him that. It is not a possibility so get it out of your head.

So I've come to the conclusion that it would be highly unlikely for him to know about me and Gary. Obviously, for over a month now I have been racking my brain as to what happened. Last night I had an epiphany. We met at a wedding, hooked up and developed a relationship from there. Sooooo....I'm thinking, if he did that with me then he probably had done something similar before and likely to do it again. Which, in turn, would mean that he totally fooled me into thinking he was a great guy.

Enough rant for today...what do you think?

Change is in the air

School, work and the requisite first week or so of partying each semester has kept me away from the wonderful blog world once again. But I'm here now and ready to fill you in on my life. I'm doing better with the Dru situation. I'm not nearly as depressed and am able to sleep better at night these days. I still miss him and wonder everyday why he stopped contacting me. But I am taking some steps to make some major changes in my life. I wouldn't exactly say that they are resolutions, but it just happened to come at the same time.

One of the biggest things I need to overcome is the want for a man in my life. Ever since I was 15 I have had a boyfriend, or some other type of guy friend who I would use to make me feel needed and loved. Gary (the ex I dated for 5 years) occasionally calls me at 2 AM after a night at the bar, and I hate to admit it, but sometimes I would go over there to spend the night. I entertained the thought that he still loved me and this is what kept me coming back. I have vowed not to do that anymore. I will not be the girl he uses for late night and who uses him for a false sense of hope. Gary is out of my life for good now, and I refuse to let him in or hope to let him in as anything more than a friend.

With the exception of Gary, all of my other relationships began with the drunk hook-up that turned into...'oh I might actually like this person'. Well, not anymore. I want to be in a relationship that starts with a date, not a late night. I think this will go a long way in helping me find the right person.

My biggest and probably most important underlying problem is self-confidence. Although I was voted most attractive and best dressed junior and senior year in high school, I still feel like I could always look better. Not only does my self-confidence suffer in appearance, but also in the personality department. I can define all of my friends with one word that describes their passion. I have mentioned this before, but I can't do that for myself. Not having a true passion and vision for my future really affects my lack of self-confidence. I would love to work on this aspect of myself by trying new things and finding something that I am good at and can call my passion.

My final fault that I will be working on is my lack of motivation or determination. This affects my life in many different ways (i.e. exercise, nutrition, activities with friends, work). I have become so averse to change that it affects this determination. My fear of the unknown grows everyday and I realize this is something I need to get under control before it seriously affects me.

I'm taking a personal wellness class (I have mentioned before) and with the tools I learn there and the right mindset, I hopefully will be able to work on all of these faults. Being able to write them down and organize my thoughts is really helpful and will also help me to stick to my commitment. I believe that you can't change until you want to change, and I definitely do. I am hopeful and optimistic about the ways my life will improve as I conquer these hurdles.

PS Tonight is the season premiere of American Idol! Ahhh! And Scrubs is on! Wooo!

Yay for Sleep! and School?

I finally was able to fall asleep easily and got a good rest last night! The previous night (when I wrote the last post) was hell. I know I fell asleep at some point because I had a dream, but I know I was only asleep for max. 3 hours. And of course my dream was about Dru. We were happy and together and things were all good. Then reality hit when it was time to wake up and go to school.

On a happier note, the first day back yesterday was surprisingly pleasant! I had three classes yesterday: the first was a class that teaches how to live better (nutrition, behavior, exercise), the second is Product Management with one of my favorite teachers, and finally Pilates. I am so excited about this particular class because I have always been interested in getting into Yoga and/or Pilates. I used to take a class at my gym, but since I quit last spring I haven't been doing much. Also, I have the same teacher for my well-being class as my pilates class and she is AWESOME! Today I have two classes this afternoon, both which I expect to be incredibly boring.

I'm very happy the new semester (and my last semester) got off to such a great start. Although things aren't going smoothly in my love life, I'm grateful to have something to look forward to. I've also been staying pretty busy to keep my mind off of things. With school and work each day, I really need to plan out my time to get as much done as possible. We also have some friends that moved into our apartment complex in the beginning of December that have been amazing over the past month or so. They are sweet guys who are always up for doing something fun (a definite plus in taking my mind off of Dru).

Tonight is the college football national championship and we have rented the theater room at our apartment complex to watch the game with our friends. I'm excited because my dad went to OU and is still a hardcore fan. He is so happy when their team does well, so I really hope they win tonight. I think I may be the only OU fan in attendance, but oh well...I'm the loudest screamer so it should be about equal on that front.

Another thing going on in my life: a job hunt. More on that later though...I want you to see what my grandma gave me for Christmas. It's oh so pretty! It is a bracelet with genuine turquoise stones by a jewelry designer named Lia Sophia. Check her out...she has a wide variety of styles!

First Post in 09

Happy New Year everyone! I have been on a somewhat of a hiatus due to the holidays and my Dru-induced depression. I hate to be a debbie-downer, but the situation between the two of us caused me to be incredibly sad. I have to say it was the worst Christmas that I can remember. I'm not asking for pity, but I like to use this blog to express things I wouldn't normally say out loud. So I never heard from Dru after the email, and don't expect to. I've said it before, and you are probably tired of hearing about this, but I JUST DON'T GET WHY!? I honestly didn't think he was that type of person. But whatever, I am putting it behind me and moving on (ha...easier said than done). I won't bother y'all with my Dru issues anymore because it is the same over and over again (that is a goal - not a promise).

It is a new year, and I probably should have made some resolutions, but I was too busy sitting on the couch crying for the past two weeks. But last night I couldn't sleep and decided I would spend my time trying to figure out how I was going to make myself a better person this year. I want to get motivated to find a job (since May is getting here a LOT faster than I suspected), I need to find a passion or a hobby (so I don't rely on a man to make me happy), and I'm swearing off bad relationship habits. My biggest relationship habit that will take some work is communication. I've learned my lesson there!

These are more long-term goals than resolutions but I guess that makes them more important. What were your resolutions?

PS - Sorry if my posts lack spunk...I'm honestly not completely on the happy side yet. Bare with me though, I'm getting there slowly but surely.

The 'Dru Era' has come to a close

I'm officially throwing in the towel. As you probably know, I've been having some issues with Dru lately. But here is the run-down: It has been two weeks since I have heard his voice. There have been a few texts in which he has explained his MIA-ness. For example, Thursday I texted to see if he was alive to which he responded saying how hard he is working. His company just signed a $10 million deal and apparently he is in charge of it (on top of being the project manager for a $160 million hospital his company is building). He said he would call later, but hasn't. Friday night (after many hours of Christmas partying) I texted that I had a bone to pick with him. His response was at 5:20 the next morning saying "Come on and pick it...at the farm headed to the woods" (going hunting). So I figure all is well and he has just been honestly busy. When Sunday at 11PM rolls around and there is still no call - I'm pissed. I called him all ready to lay things out on the line and get some answers.

Phone rings 3 times. It sounds like there was a pick-up and hang-up. The reason I say this is because it rang three times then nothing happened. No voicemail or anything. No call back. So I text, "Hey give me a call when you get a chance." I haven't heard from him.

I took all of his numbers out of my phone and deleted any remnant of him from it so I don't relapse and cave in to every aspect of me that wants answers. I honestly do think he is incredibly busy, but probably has some other reason he is not calling me. I know it is not another girl for reasons I won't go into detail about now, so I can't fathom what went wrong. I haven't acted differently...so what is it? What made him loose interest? I want answers and I think it would be mature of him to give them to me.

What made this boy who confessed his love to me, suggested marriage multiple times, introduced me to family, friends and co-workers, and flat out requested I move to Alabama all of a sudden drop it all? Two weeks ago today I asked if we were spending New Year's together to which he replied, "I would like to. We can go anywhere you want. You pick." Obviously, we haven't made solid plans and I'm realizing now, just over one week away, that it probably isn't going to happen. What changed?

It breaks my heart to give up on him because he is everything I ever wanted in a guy. I could honestly see myself marrying him. He is passionate about his goals, has a career, a life plan, is determined, a complete gentleman (held every door open, literally - even the car door), paid for everything and is just a fun person to be around (there are more great qualities but I'll spare you ALL of the details ha). Dru made me want to be a better person and I've never met anyone like him.

I realize, now, that he has flaws that accompany his attributes and no one is perfect. I know what I have to do - not contact him and just wait to see what happens. In the mean time, I'm putting myself back out there. I won't put my life on hold due to the lack of consideration from someone else.

My Christmas List!

I'll get to the list...but first I wanted to give a little update. Roomie and I are fine now, Player said he wasn't ready for another relationship right now so I guess that is good. She is happy to know exactly how he feels, so that is all well and dandy. On the other hand, I STILL haven't heard from Dru. This is the longest we have gone without talking since August...so I was worried and checked his local newspaper to make sure the worst hadn't happened. I saw no mention of his name, so I assume he is alive. I'll keep you posted.

In true holiday spirit, I made a Christmas list and sent it to my family, complete with links to the specific websites, colors, prices and sizes. Now I enjoy giving a gift that someone will love, but I understand the hassle of not knowing what to get people, so I make a very available, detailed list for my family members each year. I thought I would share some of the things on my list with all of you!

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

1. Longchamp 'Le Pliage' Tote Bag
2. BCBG Max Azria Ruffled Faux Two Piece Dress
3. Eliza J Ruffle Wrap Dress
4. Nicole Miller Printed Shift Dress
5. Linea Paolo 'Mira' Mary Jane
6. Via Spiga 'Ramble' Oxford
7. Patagonia Classic Retro-X Jacket

In addition to the pictured items, I asked for:

• monogrammed stationary
• Tervis Tumblers with pink monogram
• Pop 5 Cranium (a SICK board game - you have to try it out!)
• The Dark Knight (!eee!)
• Purity face wash by Philosophy
• and various other clothes/shoes/accessories!

What do you want for Christmas?

It's A Sad Day...

I'm throwing in the towel with Dru.  Basically, we only talked on the phone last week once (Tuesday), then just a few quick texts on Thursday. He has mentioned maybe being able to come visit this weekend, but hasn't booked a flight or anything. It seems we have talked less and less since I last visited. I waited around last night for a phone call and never got one. So I figured I would man-up and call him tonight. As I left the gym around 6:45PM I called, got no answer and decided not to leave a message.

I haven't heard from him and quite frankly, I don't expect to. I don't understand. When I visit him, he asks me to marry him (jokingly, but with a weird serious undertone), tells me he is in love with me and we just have a great time. I was nervous for a little while that he thought I didn't feel as strongly as he did, but recently I have tried to make my feelings a little more apparent (I sent one text saying I missed him, I called him once last week, and now once this week).

When we spoke last week we discussed spending New Years together and he told me I could pick wherever I wanted to go. Then he doesn't call for a week and hasn't returned my phone call!? I don't get it. I understand he is super-busy. He works probably 10 hours a day, has great friends that he spends a lot of time with and he is very involved in his family. But I still don't get why he doesn't call but says all of these other things to me and pays for me to fly down there?

One part of the situation is the fact that he has only been in one relationship in his 25 years of existence that only lasted a year. So, roomie and I have thrown around the idea that he just doesn't know how to act, especially in our situation (being so far away). Now, I am kind of fed up. I hate waiting around for him and it is driving me crazy. I know everyone is screaming TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT! But it isn't that easy. When we are on the phone everything seems better than fine, so bringing up such a daunting topic is extremely hard.

I don't want to give him an ultimatum, but if things don't pick up I'm going to have to drop it/him to keep from getting hurt more. It is just a matter of me conveying that to him when/if he calls. I really don't want to give up on him because he is, honestly, the best guy I have ever even sort of dated.

Christmas Break!

I'm finally on Christmas break! I only had two exams, so the past couple of weeks actually haven't been that stressful, but I have been sick as well and that didn't help. But I'm back and ready to read/write blogs! Exams went well, I guess...grades haven't come back yet, but I expect to do just as well as I have in the past - Dean's List every semester since freshman year, thank you.

In other news, Dru and I haven't talked much over the past week, but I expect to talk to him to tonight. Ever since he bailed on me about a month ago, he has been saying this coming weekend will be the first weekend he would be able to visit. So, I'm waiting to hear if he wants to come - but I doubt he actually will. I have a Christmas party to go to on Friday and would love to take him to meet some of my friends, but we'll just have to see.

OH! I went shopping a couple of weekends ago and saved SO MUCH MONEY! My dad works for one of the best department stores in the area, so normally I get 20% off anything. Well they have special employee discount days where employees get 40% off! On top of all of the holiday discounts, I was able to get tons of stuff for a tiny part of the original price. Here is a run-down:

This Michael Kohrs Astor Tote originally $348.00, I got it for $110.00!

BCBG Max Azria Flat Boot originally $550.00, I got it for $206.00!!

This French Connection Smock Skirt was originally $168...I got it for $12.95!

*And I can wear it as a shirt too...multitasker!

I also got my sister a BCBG Max Azria top for Christmas that was originally $152 for only $32!

So, basically, I rocked. I realize that most of the stuff was for me, but at prices like that how could I resist!? It will take me a while of strict discipline to pay off the credit card, but I know I can do it.

How is your Christmas shopping going? Have you found any incredible deals?

Exam Week

I've been MIA for the past few days for a couple of reasons: 1. I've been sick 2. It is exam week. I have tons of posts to catch up on my reader and I've been so slack about posting on my own blog. My life has been so boring recently that even if it were a normal week, I doubt I would have anything of importance to write about anyways.

One small thing - Dru got into a car wreck this weekend. Apparently some guy crossed a few lanes of traffic and 't-boned' him. His truck is all messed up so he is having to drive his old Tahoe. No one in the car got hurt, which is good. Except, he is complaining a little about his elbow. There is still no set date for him to visit, which has me pulling out hairs. But we did talk about spending New Years together, which calmed me a little.

Anyways, I better get back to studying/working. Have a great weekend everyone, I'll be back in full-force next week!

Catching Up

I've been somewhat MIA the past few days. This is due to the fact that it is 'dead week' at my school. The term 'dead week' makes it sound like it is a relaxing time to start studying for exams, right? WRONG. 'Dead week' is usually a normal week in your freshman and sophomore years, but when you get into your junior and senior years it is another story.

I have been swamped with group projects and presentations. The amount of work during 'dead week' is enough to make you go insane. Just the other day I saw an article in the school paper about how 'dead week' is being abused by professors. It was obviously designed to be a relaxing week for students to start organizing for exams and not have new material introduced. Well because the University doesn't really enforce it, teachers go on with things as if it is just another week.

Well let me tell all of you professors something: IT IS THE WORST WEEK OF THE YEAR. In an effort to "lighten your exam load" teachers have finals during this week, projects due and all kinds of stressful assignments. I'm done with my week...and it was stressful. But I'm glad someone spoke out about it in the paper so maybe my final 'dead week' ever (in the spring) will be somewhat lighter.

In other news, things with Dru are going good. I think I just freaked out there for a while and was hurt by him not coming to visit. He has been pretty sweet since then, we talk on the phone often, and he even called to make sure I was up in time for my presentations yesterday. I finally got around to asking him when he was going to come visit. He said maybe he will come the weekend of the 19th. He hasn't bought a plane ticket or anything yet, so I'm not getting my hopes up...but I really do want him to come. A friend of mine is having a Christmas party that weekend which would be a good one for him to come and meet everyone. We still haven't talked about "what we are" but I promise to everyone (me, roomie, and y'all) that I'm going to talk it out next time we are together (in person). I don't want to have that talk over the phone because I won't be able to gauge his expressions and responses as well. I feel like the conversation will be much more truthful if it is done in person.

Roomie's birthday is Monday, so that means we will be celebrating all weekend. I have no idea what to get her...but I'll go shopping tomorrow and surly find something! Other things going on this weekend that I am so excited for I could just pee my pants:

• Alabama/Florida game (Dru & fam are going...ROLL TIDE!)
• Oklahoma/Missouri (Dad is an OU alum...GO SOONERS!)
• Panthers are playing MNF! We rented the theater at my apartment complex for the game!
• Some of our friends just move in down the hall...endless nights of laughs!

What are your plans this weekend?

I Just Don't Get It

As you all know, Dru didn't come this weekend. And I expected him to call this evening...but he didn't so I texted him and said, "How was your weekend?" to which he responded, "Unbelievable you have to hear this I'll call in a min." That was two hours ago. He hasn't called and I don't think he will tonight. It is highly likely that he is at a friend's house and doesn't want to be the guy to step away to talk to a girl. Or maybe he is at his parents house for Sunday night dinner. But the point is he said he would call 'in a min' and when I haven't talked to him in almost a week that really bothers me. I just don't know what to do. Now I actually have a reason to be mad, and I am. But I don't know how to tell him that. I feel like we are still on a shaky ground what without us having talked about what we are. I know it sounds silly and I keep coming back to it, but I don't know what to expect and that makes it hard because I get my hopes up. Without a defined relationship (of any sort) I don't know how he will receive me calling him out on what seems like such a petty matter. 

How should I approach this? Next time I talk to him do I tell him it bothers me that we don't talk much anymore? Ugh, this is so frustrating. I'm sorry I keep bogging everyone down with my love life, or lack there of, but it is the only thing on my mind, and until I get some kind of answers it will most likely still be the only thing I can think about. I appreciate the advice, as always.

Update: Ok so I guess I jinxed it by writing that post. He called. We caught up and all of that good stuff, but I didn't mention anything about me being mad or anything. I'm such a wimp. So I'm happy for now and promise to have a post that isn't related to Dru at all tomorrow!

Dru Isn't Coming

Yep. That's right. Let down by a boy...yet again. I feel like that is the story of my life. So here is the story:

When Dru called Monday, I was at the mall and only got to talk to him for a short while before I needed to hang up. Tuesday he didn't call, and last night as I was leaving from babysitting my adorable cousins, he still hadn't called. So I texted, "Are you still coming this weekend?" About 20 minutes later he calls and informs me that, despite the fact he has had his plane ticket booked for over 2 weeks now, he isn't going to be able to come.

Apparently, this weekend is opening weekend of rifle season in Alabama. It is family tradition that they all go down to one of their "farms" (aka giant patch of land with a beautiful house - no animals except the ones you can shoot) and hunt. Siblings come home from college, grandparents come...the whole 9 yards. And he didn't realize this because opening weekend is "always the weekend of the Alabama/Auburn game" (which is next weekend).

Well, Dru, you should have checked.

As you are all well aware of, I have been getting ready for his visit for weeks now. I have decorated, I bought 4 tickets to the UNC/NCSU game ($260!), my mom was going to make brunch, etc. I had the weekend planned all out. I was going to clean, do laundry, and make a breakfast casserole tomorrow before he got here!

So I'm sure you can imagine how disappointed I am. Of course I can't be "mad" at him because I value family traditions just as much as the next person, but I am upset. I am upset that he didn't check beforehand to make sure that nothing was going on. What that says to me is that this trip wasn't important enough for him to ask around and make sure everything was going to work out. I'm upset because he waited until 2 days before he was supposed to get here to tell me. If I hadn't texted him last night, would I still not know he was coming? When would he have called? Friday afternoon?

One thing that bothers me the most is: I'm not sure he understands how upset I am over this. I actually cried last night...I don't cry...especially not in front of people. I cried to my mom, dad, sister, best friend and even cried myself to sleep. My eyes hurt today. I want him to understand that I was looking forward to spending time with him and that I was really let down when he said he couldn't come. But I don't want to make him feel like he is choosing between his family and me, because that is not the case. I want him to have traditions and family values, that is one thing I love most about him, but I want him to be able to stick to his commitments to me as well, and that means planning ahead.

Another factor is that we haven't exactly established "what we are." For a while, I thought this was best. But it is really starting to become more of a burden than not. I was in a long-distance relationship with Gary (the ex) for over 6 months when he moved to California. That was easier because I knew where I stood with him. I knew that he wanted to be with me and that I would hear from him. There was no gray area. With Dru, since we haven't established rules, there are no justified expectations. I don't know if I can get mad at him for not calling sooner or I don't know if I can tell him I was really looking forward to seeing him without scaring him off. There are so many uncertainties with us it really makes a long-distance relationship harder.

Should I bring this up? I have always felt like that is the boy's place, but I don't know if I can handle it anymore. He also said he doesn't think he will be able to make it back for another 3 weeks! That will have been 6 weeks in between visiting each other. It is hard, but I'm willing to do it because I genuinely like this guy...I just need to know where I stand with him.

Any and all advice will, as always, be greatly appreciated!

Weekly Update

My weekend was, interesting. For starters, roommate and I went out Thursday night. We don't usually do this because we are old hags who prefer to stay in and watch TV and go to bed promptly at 11PM. But for some reason we got this crazy notion to go out. We drank too much and I missed my two classes on Friday.

Friday night we went to UNC-Chapel Hill to hang out with Al (my best guy friend) and some of his friends from his study abroad in Spain last semester. I was still recovering from the night before so I took it easy. I don't really enjoy being sober at a bar where everyone else is drunk, but Friday night wasn't so bad. Roommate and I got hit on 4 times and each time was equally as disturbing.

Saturday we had a football game. The festivities began at 10AM. Bad idea. We didn't stop drinking until 2AM. I was in rare form that night. Gary, the ex, tried to kiss me. In all of my vulnerability, I almost caved in. But I didn't, and I'm so glad. Things are going great with Dru and I could have ruined it all for nothing. Gary and I will never work out again, so I don't know why we occasionally fool ourselves.

Speaking of Dru...HE COMES TO VISIT IN 3 DAYS! I couldn't be more excited. My apartment is coming together (see pictures tomorrow!) and I am running again and I feel like a giddy school girl. I'm also nervous. I really hope he has a good time. The plan is to maybe go out for a few drinks after he gets in Friday night (at 9:30!). The next morning we have to be up super early to make it to my sister's boyfriend's house by 8:30AM in Chapel Hill (30 minute drive). My school is playing her school in football and her boyfriend is hosting a "Kegs and Eggs" party. I'm going to make a breakfast casserole to take over. Yum! Maybe I can remember to post the recipe here...

My parents want to have a brunch at their house Sunday morning. And I don't know if I am ready to have Dru to my parents' house. I have been to his parents' house but it was really informal...I mean we just went over to show our skydiving videos then left. Ahh! But I know it will hurt my mom's feelings if I don't bring him over...so whatever. Hopefully my sister and her bf will be in attendance as well so it won't be as awkward.

Oh, my running! Yeah I started again (last night haha) because I will be participating in the annual 'Turkey Trot' in my cousin's neighborhood on Thanksgiving morning. I'm really excited that I have a goal to work towards. It is only a 5K, but I'm happy to start small and work my way up. The mimosa station is at her house too, so I'm SUPER excited about that part!

One last thing, then I'll end another one of my never ending posts. I'm going to my first work-related function on Thursday. It is a Toronto Stock Exchange luncheon, workshop, then networking cocktail. I'm so nervous I can already feel my hands shaking come Thursday morning. Here are some reasons why:

1. This event is specified on the website to be for CEOs and CFOs, financiers of private and public companies and advisors to private and public companies. I AM AN INTERN.
2. I don't have a business card...did I mention this is a networking event.
3. I understand the TSX less than I understand the US stock exchanges (to which my knowledge is far from impressive).
4. I'm not really even sure how to explain what my company does. I only help with the basic stuff.
5. I've never been to a networking event before.

Maybe I should quit my whining and take it all in. I know this will be a great learning experience for me and probably great for my career as well. I should thank my boss for inviting me to attend, and really learn from everything I hear and everyone I meet. But any suggestions in getting over the initial nervousness would really help!

Have a great week everyone!

Dirty Socks and Decorations

As I was sitting in class the other day, I noticed something that really bothers me. Bare feet on chairs. The business management building where all of my classes are is fairly new and is very nice. The chairs are comfortable, we have state of the art technology...all that fun stuff. But people still think it is OK to TAKE THEIR SHOES OFF and put their feet all over the backs and tops of the chairs in front of them! This is disgusting. There is one girl in particular who does it EVERYDAY. And she sits on the edge of a row so she is in clear view of the teacher, who has failed to say anything to her all semester.

Tuesday I noticed the little boy, who always brags about how much he drank the previous weekend, with his shoes off and his dirty, stinky SOCKS on the back of the chair in front of him. Ew. Gross. Disgusting. Sick. So, naturally, I took a picture:

It is kind of hard to tell, but those are my notes in the foreground, his chair in front of me and his white sock all over the chair in front of him. Not only is this completely unsanitary, but also just disrespectful. We have these great facilities, and here these people are ruining them! How inconsiderate...

In other news, I have pretty much gotten my apartment all decorated! Only 6 months after we move in...oh well. It looks great. We have some old movie posters in the dining room area, a great vase filled with cranberry colored fillers and white flowers. I bought a huge mirror for $70 at Home Goods (thanks Hannah Gray)! This mirror is my favorite new piece. I have been looking for a big stand-up mirror for MONTHS. The only ones I could find were $300-400. After perusing the collection at Home Goods, I came across this mirror. I immediately fell in love...it was exactly what I was looking for. I didn't even look around the rest of the store because I was nervous if I left it, it would be gone by the time I got back. It looks great in my room (I promise I will put up pictures soon).

I also put up tons of new pictures and other nick-knacks. The only thing left I have to do is have my shower curtain and new towels monogrammed. Hopefully then, my apartment will be ready for Dru to visit! I've been meaning to decorate for so long, I'm glad his visit finally motivated me to do so.

Does anyone else have horrible feet stories or decorating adventures?

Back to the Future

Yay. The election is over. I'm excited that our country will be going in a new direction and I look forward to the change. Mostly I am super pumped about not having to see political commercials anymore. They were getting out of hand towards the end there!

Anyways, I have come to realize I am not that great at coming up with post ideas. Lately I have basically been updating everyone with the Dru situation, but talking hardly any about other topics. I have a bad habit of thinking of things to write about, but then forgetting them and sitting in front of my computer with writers block. There are tons of opinions I have regarding somewhat controversial topics that I could discuss, but I don't want this to turn into a serious blog. I like the light, carefree feel of it right now. Oh what to write about...

I am great at talking about me. Plain and simple. SO I'll just write a brief* post about what is going on in my life (outside of Dru) until I can come up with something more entertaining. Well this may have a little to do with Dru, but I'll keep it to a minimum. As you may know, I will be graduating from college in May. I will have a degree in Business Management with a concentration in marketing. When I started school I thought this was the way to go; I was told, and believed, that a degree in business would give me the opportunity to work in pretty much any field.

Well, thank you, economy. This is no longer true, close to being true, or will be true in the immediate future.

So, I am presented with somewhat of a conundrum. To try to find a job...or go back to school? I have found a great advertising program at the University of Alabama. However, I would need to get 3 recommendation letters, take the GRE and submit an application by February 15. The recommendation letters and application aren't as daunting as the GRE. I have only recently begun my quest to take this particular test, and realize how much harder it is than I originally thought. I've concluded that it would be in my best interest to wait and apply next spring and start school in the fall of 2010.

I have searched online for jobs in the Birmingham area and have found some that look interesting. My thought process behind moving to Birmingham a year before I want to start school is threefold: 1. establish residency so I can get in-state tuition 2. save money to pay off the loan I will surely need 3. Dru. Now, I'm sure you see the obvious drawbacks here...what if Dru and I don't work out? What if I can't find a job when it actually comes time? What if I don't get in? Etc. Etc. Etc...

Hear me out...I want to be in the advertising industry. I am taking the only advertising-related class offered in my program and I enjoy it so much more than any other class I have taken. There are plenty of advertising programs elsewhere in the nation, mostly in the North, but as of right now, I don't really see myself moving North. I have nothing against it, I just have more friends and connections in the Midwest and southern states. The program at Alabama is great and seems to fit exactly what I am looking for, which most other schools don't.

Here comes the toughest part...how do I talk to Dru about it? He has mentioned me moving down to Alabama many times, but I haven't responded seriously, yet. Last weekend I lightly mentioned the advertising program at UA and he seemed genuinely excited.

On the other hand, if I were to try to find a job here in Raleigh, I probably wouldn't have much luck. I don't know how to approach my current bosses and ask if there is any chance of me growing within my current company when I graduate. I would love to stay on, if I don't go to Alabama, but I don't see any real potential for me here.

Oh the dilemmas of my life.

I'm really going to have to get on decorating my apartment though, because I think Dru is finally coming to visit in a few weeks. If you have any suggestions for places to find these items (reasonably priced) or have any creative ideas they will be greatly appreciated:

1. Standing mirror
2. Duvet cover with monogram
3. Wall decorations (frames, art, etc.)

I guess I should put up some pictures of the apartment to help everyone visualize...I will try to remember!

*Sorry it didn't turn out so brief!