I have indulged in some trashy shows recently but I'M IN LOVE. If you haven't seen these, you have to check them out.
For some hilarious reality TV check out Tool Academy on Vh1 and Bromance on MTV. I realize these shows are actually terrible, but the people on them make them oh. so. funny. On Tool Academy a bunch of guys (tools) were told they were going to be on a show called 'Mr. Awesome' so of course when they showed up they were amping up their tool-ness 100%. Then the tables turned and they realized they were actually on a show because their girlfriends were tired of being treated like shit due to their tool behavior. These guys are out of control. They are the typical gel-heads with big muscles and tight shirts. It makes me wonder what type of girls out there are actually attracted to this type of asshole?
As for Bromance, it isn't quite as funny or astonishing, but there will be no point in time during which I would refuse to look at Brody Jenner. The show makes roomie and me laugh because...well it is bromance. They try to act all manly and like they want to be Brody's friend, but honestly the writers and producers have made it seem like Brody is looking for a little more than friendship. Which we all know isn't true...just entertaining.
For serious drama outside of the nighttime soaps (i.e. Greys, Private Practice, Lost), tune into The Real Housewives of Orange County on Bravo. I understand that I may be behind the curve on this one because my city just recently added Bravo (reason #29385 why Time Warner BLOWS)...but I can't get enough of this show! The women act like they are back in high school! Over the past 4 years I have noticed some of this type of behavior still hasn't retreated in my friends; but for the most part, we have matured greatly compared to the housewives. These women have no mature friends. They all talk shit behind each other's backs and are never able to give helpful advice. It truly is shocking. Don't get me wrong, I envy the money, power and fashion these women have but I'm not quite sure about selling my maturity for it all.
More comedy but not trash? OK. Have 30 Rock on NBC. Tina Fey is a genius. I'm a huge fan of Tina and Tracy Morgan (whose character is pee-in-your-pants-funny). Alec Baldwin hasn't always struck me as a great person/actor, but I love him in the show. I think the perfect word to describe the show is goofy. Seriously...go to blockbuster and rent the first two seasons. Then, set your DVR to record the remaining shows in this season. When this season is over and they put it on DVD...go get it to see the ones you have already missed. I promise it is worth every penny and minute.
OHMIGOSH! I almost forgot Scrubs. It is back! Although I still have hope, the first few episodes weren't as great as I expected. This is the last season, so I'm still recommending it assuming that the funny will come out sooner rather than later. If you haven't seen this show, it too is a great one to rent and watch all of (or DVR the old episodes that come on many different channels like Comedy Central).
Speaking of Comedy Central, I just watched Katt Williams' stand up routine called Pimpin' Pimpin' or something like that. This dude talks a lot about racism which gets repetitive, but overall he was so incredibly funny. Definitely look him up or DVR it next time it shows up on Comedy Central.
One last thing...I'm obsessed with A&E. The shows I record habitually are Intervention, The First 48 and Manhunters. Record them now. Do it.
1.28.2009
1.27.2009
I'm A Guest Blogger!
Hey y'all jump on over to It's as simple as putting the biscuit in the basket to see my guest post! Taqueer is doing NaBloPoMo and decided to do 7Pi7D...7 posts in 7 days (written by guest bloggers) about change. And all of you regular readers know that I have some serious change issues and many changes that lie ahead. So I unloaded on someone elses blog this time!
Run on over there and get your dose of change for the day/week whatever. There are tons of great posts! OH! And if you happen to be the 500th comment on Taqueer's blog...you get a PRIZE!!!
Run on over there and get your dose of change for the day/week whatever. There are tons of great posts! OH! And if you happen to be the 500th comment on Taqueer's blog...you get a PRIZE!!!
1.24.2009
Dru is Haunting My Dreams...and A Confession
For the past few weeks I have had multiple dreams about Dru and I. In most of them we are back together doing normal things. Here goes the one from last night: my mom, sister and I were in B-ham for some organization she was a member of. They were having a dinner/function of sorts. First thing's first...we get a glass of wine. As we are heading over to the nearest table, Dru, his brother and mom walk up to the same table. We exchange pleasantries (the moms meet) and I'm cracking joke after joke. It was really a fun time, until Dru and I decided to go away from the group and talk. I sat him down and asked him why he disappeared without a word...
Apparently on some paperwork I had filled out there was a question that said, "Who are you currently dating?" (What kind of paperwork is this!?) I filled in the sheet with Dru's name...but put Gary's name out to the side. (Let me remind you here that Gary is the guy I dated for 5 years but broke up with 1.5 years ago) Dru pointed this out to me and said I had also called him Gary before. I explained to him that I have a horrible habit of calling people by the wrong name (this is true) and that I accidentally put Gary's name on the paperwork because I just wasn't thinking. Clearly Gary was a big part of my life and it was just a silly mistake that meant nothing.
As the conversation looked like it was going nowhere and Dru looked genuinely hurt, I told him that I had started to fall in love with him while we were seeing each other, which totally took him by surprise. The conversation continued and we wound up back together. End dream.
Now, I have to make a shameful confession. I haven't told the blog world about this because...well a lot of reasons, but #1 being I am ashamed of my actions. Here goes...sometime after Dru didn't come to visit in November I slept over at Gary's. It was definitely drunk-induced and I regret it for many reasons. Here is my side of the story (even though I know I shouldn't have done it): at the time Dru had just stood me up and was making no visible effort to reschedule, we never did discuss 'what we were' and I not too long before had someone asked him "Is that your girlfriend?" to which he responded "Sometimes" (he didn't know I heard). So obviously, to my credit, we had not discussed being exclusive. However, I see his side as well and know it was wrong.
Here is where it bothers me, during one of my first visits to B-ham Dru mentioned that if a girlfriend of his ever cheated on him that he would never talk to her again no matter what. And well, that is exactly what happened with us. But I wasn't his 'girlfriend' or if I was, he didn't let me know and...this is a big AND...he knows NONE of my friends except rommie. It is out of the question...in no way shape or form would I think she contacted him to tell him that. It is not a possibility so get it out of your head.
So I've come to the conclusion that it would be highly unlikely for him to know about me and Gary. Obviously, for over a month now I have been racking my brain as to what happened. Last night I had an epiphany. We met at a wedding, hooked up and developed a relationship from there. Sooooo....I'm thinking, if he did that with me then he probably had done something similar before and likely to do it again. Which, in turn, would mean that he totally fooled me into thinking he was a great guy.
Enough rant for today...what do you think?
Apparently on some paperwork I had filled out there was a question that said, "Who are you currently dating?" (What kind of paperwork is this!?) I filled in the sheet with Dru's name...but put Gary's name out to the side. (Let me remind you here that Gary is the guy I dated for 5 years but broke up with 1.5 years ago) Dru pointed this out to me and said I had also called him Gary before. I explained to him that I have a horrible habit of calling people by the wrong name (this is true) and that I accidentally put Gary's name on the paperwork because I just wasn't thinking. Clearly Gary was a big part of my life and it was just a silly mistake that meant nothing.
As the conversation looked like it was going nowhere and Dru looked genuinely hurt, I told him that I had started to fall in love with him while we were seeing each other, which totally took him by surprise. The conversation continued and we wound up back together. End dream.
Now, I have to make a shameful confession. I haven't told the blog world about this because...well a lot of reasons, but #1 being I am ashamed of my actions. Here goes...sometime after Dru didn't come to visit in November I slept over at Gary's. It was definitely drunk-induced and I regret it for many reasons. Here is my side of the story (even though I know I shouldn't have done it): at the time Dru had just stood me up and was making no visible effort to reschedule, we never did discuss 'what we were' and I not too long before had someone asked him "Is that your girlfriend?" to which he responded "Sometimes" (he didn't know I heard). So obviously, to my credit, we had not discussed being exclusive. However, I see his side as well and know it was wrong.
Here is where it bothers me, during one of my first visits to B-ham Dru mentioned that if a girlfriend of his ever cheated on him that he would never talk to her again no matter what. And well, that is exactly what happened with us. But I wasn't his 'girlfriend' or if I was, he didn't let me know and...this is a big AND...he knows NONE of my friends except rommie. It is out of the question...in no way shape or form would I think she contacted him to tell him that. It is not a possibility so get it out of your head.
So I've come to the conclusion that it would be highly unlikely for him to know about me and Gary. Obviously, for over a month now I have been racking my brain as to what happened. Last night I had an epiphany. We met at a wedding, hooked up and developed a relationship from there. Sooooo....I'm thinking, if he did that with me then he probably had done something similar before and likely to do it again. Which, in turn, would mean that he totally fooled me into thinking he was a great guy.
Enough rant for today...what do you think?
1.23.2009
In Light of this Week's Snow
This recipe is totally fabricated and I made it up after a day of drinking and playing in the snow...but somehow it turned out DELICIOUS!
Snow Cream
Ingredients:
8 cups snow
2 tbl. vanilla extract
2-3 c milk
1/2 c powdered sugar
Method:
Throw it all in a big pot and stir.
Obviously, these measurements are very questionable because I didn't measure anything...but this is how we made snow cream work for us with the limited ingredients in our bare refrigerator!
Enjoy!
Snow Cream
Ingredients:
8 cups snow
2 tbl. vanilla extract
2-3 c milk
1/2 c powdered sugar
Method:
Throw it all in a big pot and stir.
Obviously, these measurements are very questionable because I didn't measure anything...but this is how we made snow cream work for us with the limited ingredients in our bare refrigerator!
Enjoy!
1.22.2009
Snow Day!
We got snow on Tuesday! This is a pretty big deal because we haven't had a big snow in 5 years! Monday night through Tuesday at noon it snowed almost a total of 6 inches and it was oh so pretty! School was cancelled Tuesday and I didn't want to attempt to make it into work, so my roommate and I played in the snow, had a few beers and went sledding. It was a blast. We made snowladies and dressed them up like us. Mine wore an apron and had spatulas for arms and roommie's was a fashionista...
Aren't they adorable!? Her snowlady had shoes too, but they got cut out of this picture.
Our friends had some sleds so we went sledding that night on a huge hill nearby. It had been overrun during the day so there weren't that many good patches left, but we made it work. I ate it hard a couple of times and was sore all day yesterday. It is always sad when the snow starts to melt the next few days...I guess I'll just have to hope for more!
But it is back to work and school as of now...and it sucks. Having so much time off over the past few months really spoiled me. I have no motivation to work out or want to go to school. Boo.
Anyways, I have some Google Reader to catch-up on, but look for a super yummy recipe tomorrow!
Aren't they adorable!? Her snowlady had shoes too, but they got cut out of this picture.
Our friends had some sleds so we went sledding that night on a huge hill nearby. It had been overrun during the day so there weren't that many good patches left, but we made it work. I ate it hard a couple of times and was sore all day yesterday. It is always sad when the snow starts to melt the next few days...I guess I'll just have to hope for more!
But it is back to work and school as of now...and it sucks. Having so much time off over the past few months really spoiled me. I have no motivation to work out or want to go to school. Boo.
Anyways, I have some Google Reader to catch-up on, but look for a super yummy recipe tomorrow!
1.17.2009
LASIK anyone?
I've been having eye issues for the past 4 or so months. I have been wearing contacts since I was a junior in high school and LOVE them. I never really had a good pair of glasses for the first couple of years, but then I bought some Versace ones about 2 1/2 years ago and have been wearing them more often. Still, I didn't like wearing glasses and definitely wore my contacts too much. I would sleep in them often and didn't throw them away for months. I realize, now, that I should have listened to the doctors when they said to take proper care of them...but they are so darn expensive that I didn't want to just throw them away after 2 weeks!
One morning in October I woke up and noticed a red ring around my iris (where the contact sits) and the rest of my eye was bloodshot as well. Obviously, I didn't wear my contacts for a few days and things seemed to get better. The next time I put my contacts in the same thing happened. So I visited my eye doctor and he said to give my eyes a week to breathe then try my contacts again. Didn't work. I got drops and stopped wearing them for 6 weeks. Things were better. I could wear them for a few hours with minimal irritation and redness. I have kind of worked my way up to wearing them for longer periods but I still have redness, a swollen feeling and general discomfort after a day of wearing my contacts. I have been to my doctor multiple times but he seems to have no solution for me.
So my mom got the name of a different doctor and I plan on making an appointment with him ASAP. I have heard before that you can get to the point where you just aren't able to wear contacts anymore. I hope I am not there, but if I am I want to explore LASIK eye surgery as my graduation present. I've done some preliminary research on the internet and talked to one friend who had it done, but I don't have that much to go on. Have any of you had experience with it or known someone with a story to tell?
One morning in October I woke up and noticed a red ring around my iris (where the contact sits) and the rest of my eye was bloodshot as well. Obviously, I didn't wear my contacts for a few days and things seemed to get better. The next time I put my contacts in the same thing happened. So I visited my eye doctor and he said to give my eyes a week to breathe then try my contacts again. Didn't work. I got drops and stopped wearing them for 6 weeks. Things were better. I could wear them for a few hours with minimal irritation and redness. I have kind of worked my way up to wearing them for longer periods but I still have redness, a swollen feeling and general discomfort after a day of wearing my contacts. I have been to my doctor multiple times but he seems to have no solution for me.
So my mom got the name of a different doctor and I plan on making an appointment with him ASAP. I have heard before that you can get to the point where you just aren't able to wear contacts anymore. I hope I am not there, but if I am I want to explore LASIK eye surgery as my graduation present. I've done some preliminary research on the internet and talked to one friend who had it done, but I don't have that much to go on. Have any of you had experience with it or known someone with a story to tell?
1.16.2009
Follow Through
It is easy to make a plan. Or come up with a goal. But the follow through is the hardest part, right? I usually find excuses to not follow through with my goals, but last night I succeeded! I did a good thing! Yay me!
There is this guy that I used to be friendly with before Dru, I'm going to call him Frat Guy. There was no relationship which was good because neither of us wanted one. I've known him probably for 2 or 3 years now and had always thought he was cute. So we would occasionally hook-up (but never did during the Dru era). I've heard from him every weekend for the past few weeks but haven't seen him. Last night I saw him.
In my reformation, one of my main goals is to eliminate the negative influence of guys in my life. The relationship or lack-thereof with Frat Guy is probably not a positive thing because, let's face it, I'm not strong enough to handle that. So I told roommie that under no circumstances did I want him to come home with me. He and the alcohol tried very very hard to get me to change my mind but I stuck to my guns and had a peaceful night of sleep. Although I know what I'm missing out on, and let me tell you - it is great, I am happy with my decision.
I would be more than happy to explore a relationship with Frat Guy but I don't think that is what he is looking for. Roommie and I took him home from the bar and he kissed me in the car when he got out...with roommie in the passenger seat...weird. Then he called when I got home and attempted to make plans for the weekend after next. I'm confused by him, but I'm not letting it bother me. If he does want a relationship I think I'll be able to tell soon. If not, I'm crossing him off of the list.
Happy Friday everyone! (PS I realize I'm not doing a good job with my 'Foodie Fridays' but don't worry, I just got a new cookbook and I'll report back as soon as I make one of the recipes)
There is this guy that I used to be friendly with before Dru, I'm going to call him Frat Guy. There was no relationship which was good because neither of us wanted one. I've known him probably for 2 or 3 years now and had always thought he was cute. So we would occasionally hook-up (but never did during the Dru era). I've heard from him every weekend for the past few weeks but haven't seen him. Last night I saw him.
In my reformation, one of my main goals is to eliminate the negative influence of guys in my life. The relationship or lack-thereof with Frat Guy is probably not a positive thing because, let's face it, I'm not strong enough to handle that. So I told roommie that under no circumstances did I want him to come home with me. He and the alcohol tried very very hard to get me to change my mind but I stuck to my guns and had a peaceful night of sleep. Although I know what I'm missing out on, and let me tell you - it is great, I am happy with my decision.
I would be more than happy to explore a relationship with Frat Guy but I don't think that is what he is looking for. Roommie and I took him home from the bar and he kissed me in the car when he got out...with roommie in the passenger seat...weird. Then he called when I got home and attempted to make plans for the weekend after next. I'm confused by him, but I'm not letting it bother me. If he does want a relationship I think I'll be able to tell soon. If not, I'm crossing him off of the list.
Happy Friday everyone! (PS I realize I'm not doing a good job with my 'Foodie Fridays' but don't worry, I just got a new cookbook and I'll report back as soon as I make one of the recipes)
1.15.2009
Blog Change
I just made some changes to my comment thingy after I have decided on what I do/don't like about commenting on other blogs.
-Instead of refreshing the page I chose a pop-up comment section. This is because often, I don't keep up with my reader and like to go back and read oldest to newest. So with a pop-up comment section I don't loose my place.
-No word verification anymore! I finally realized that is more for the blogs with high traffic, and I'm not quite there.
Puhleaseeeee let me know if these changes are bad. I'm not that tech-savvy so I'm not sure how pop-up blocker affects everyone, but if it will keep you from posting comments let me know because I honestly love them and wouldn't write if it wasn't for your opinions and advice. I hope these changes positively affect you experience here at Jacks, Yurman and Bobbi Brown!
-Instead of refreshing the page I chose a pop-up comment section. This is because often, I don't keep up with my reader and like to go back and read oldest to newest. So with a pop-up comment section I don't loose my place.
-No word verification anymore! I finally realized that is more for the blogs with high traffic, and I'm not quite there.
Puhleaseeeee let me know if these changes are bad. I'm not that tech-savvy so I'm not sure how pop-up blocker affects everyone, but if it will keep you from posting comments let me know because I honestly love them and wouldn't write if it wasn't for your opinions and advice. I hope these changes positively affect you experience here at Jacks, Yurman and Bobbi Brown!
The Bad Economy Affects Sarah Elizabeth...
I'll be graduating in May.
That's pretty much all that needs to be said. Ok, fine...I'll elaborate. There are no loans to be had to continue school and pretty much no one is hiring. These are the only two paths I see for myself come May. That or moving back in with my parents.
NOOOOO!!!!!
I have been lucky enough to be on my own with a LOT of help from my parents since I became a college student. But May is the cut-off. We haven't discussed specifics yet, but my parents have notified me that they will no longer pay my rent and utilities among other things once I graduate. The shitty economy couldn't have come at a worse time.
I was very fortunate as a child (well I still am) and always assumed when I graduated I would be able to live the same way. WRONG. I have credit card debt that I can't get my dad to help me with and an impending date by which I have to make a life decision. Ok, I realize I am being dramatic there, but I just can't fathom living with my parents again. I'm a total daddy's girl and love spending time with him. But my mom on the other hand is pretty much intolerable. She is a wonderful woman and has taught me so many things, but our personalities tend to clash and the more time we spend together the more she gets on my nerves. I honestly do love and appreciate her for everything she has done for me, but it just isn't as easy as it is with my dad. I envy girls who are best friends with their mom, but oh well.
The economy also sucks for me right now because of said credit card debt. I have a job, but it pays a measly $10/hour and I'm only working 12 hours/week due to school. How am I supposed to pay off the credit card debt I have dug myself into with this tiny pay check? Well I get it. Everyone is screaming....JUST STOP SPENDING. I guess that is where I run into a problem. I love to look good...this means taking care of my skin, body and fashion. How am I supposed to do that on a budget!? Ugh. Blah. Boo. Frick.
Will someone please tell the economy to check itself? Because it isn't listening to me.
That's pretty much all that needs to be said. Ok, fine...I'll elaborate. There are no loans to be had to continue school and pretty much no one is hiring. These are the only two paths I see for myself come May. That or moving back in with my parents.
NOOOOO!!!!!
I have been lucky enough to be on my own with a LOT of help from my parents since I became a college student. But May is the cut-off. We haven't discussed specifics yet, but my parents have notified me that they will no longer pay my rent and utilities among other things once I graduate. The shitty economy couldn't have come at a worse time.
I was very fortunate as a child (well I still am) and always assumed when I graduated I would be able to live the same way. WRONG. I have credit card debt that I can't get my dad to help me with and an impending date by which I have to make a life decision. Ok, I realize I am being dramatic there, but I just can't fathom living with my parents again. I'm a total daddy's girl and love spending time with him. But my mom on the other hand is pretty much intolerable. She is a wonderful woman and has taught me so many things, but our personalities tend to clash and the more time we spend together the more she gets on my nerves. I honestly do love and appreciate her for everything she has done for me, but it just isn't as easy as it is with my dad. I envy girls who are best friends with their mom, but oh well.
The economy also sucks for me right now because of said credit card debt. I have a job, but it pays a measly $10/hour and I'm only working 12 hours/week due to school. How am I supposed to pay off the credit card debt I have dug myself into with this tiny pay check? Well I get it. Everyone is screaming....JUST STOP SPENDING. I guess that is where I run into a problem. I love to look good...this means taking care of my skin, body and fashion. How am I supposed to do that on a budget!? Ugh. Blah. Boo. Frick.
Will someone please tell the economy to check itself? Because it isn't listening to me.
1.14.2009
To be or not to be...
Warning: This post is about religion. I may/may not offend you. Please don't hate me if I have said things you disagree with. I'm just working my way through the situation and chose to post about it. I in no way judge other people's religious beliefs, so please do not judge mine.
My roommate (and best friend) has always been very religious. Since college, she doesn't go to church 3 nights a week but is still very God-fearing. I, on the other hand, went to church occasionally as a child. I never read the Bible or studied the religion. I only know the main stories that the general public knows and I don't actively attend or practice any sort of religion. I pray occasionally but I feel like I shouldn't since I don't do any other religious activities.
This past Sunday I attended my first service in over 3 years with my roommate at her church here in town. I liked it because there was a band and the service wasn't the boring monotonous droning that I remember from childhood. It was upbeat, lively and geared toward a younger generation.
I want to go back because the sermon and message was therapeutic, but I feel guilty going because I'm not sold on the whole story. I consider myself a Christian and believe in God, but I don't believe everything. So maybe I shouldn't consider myself a Christian? I don't believe that women came from a rib in Adam's chest. And I have trouble believing that one of my best friends from high school who commit suicide almost 3 years ago is in hell for doing so.
There is so much I don't understand about religion, Christianity to be specific, but I haven't given up on it yet. I will continue to go to church with rommie and hope that it helps me become a better person. Whether or not I will ever fully believe is still up in the air.
Thoughts? Comments? Questions? Don't tear me a new one though...
My roommate (and best friend) has always been very religious. Since college, she doesn't go to church 3 nights a week but is still very God-fearing. I, on the other hand, went to church occasionally as a child. I never read the Bible or studied the religion. I only know the main stories that the general public knows and I don't actively attend or practice any sort of religion. I pray occasionally but I feel like I shouldn't since I don't do any other religious activities.
This past Sunday I attended my first service in over 3 years with my roommate at her church here in town. I liked it because there was a band and the service wasn't the boring monotonous droning that I remember from childhood. It was upbeat, lively and geared toward a younger generation.
I want to go back because the sermon and message was therapeutic, but I feel guilty going because I'm not sold on the whole story. I consider myself a Christian and believe in God, but I don't believe everything. So maybe I shouldn't consider myself a Christian? I don't believe that women came from a rib in Adam's chest. And I have trouble believing that one of my best friends from high school who commit suicide almost 3 years ago is in hell for doing so.
There is so much I don't understand about religion, Christianity to be specific, but I haven't given up on it yet. I will continue to go to church with rommie and hope that it helps me become a better person. Whether or not I will ever fully believe is still up in the air.
Thoughts? Comments? Questions? Don't tear me a new one though...
1.13.2009
Change is in the air
School, work and the requisite first week or so of partying each semester has kept me away from the wonderful blog world once again. But I'm here now and ready to fill you in on my life. I'm doing better with the Dru situation. I'm not nearly as depressed and am able to sleep better at night these days. I still miss him and wonder everyday why he stopped contacting me. But I am taking some steps to make some major changes in my life. I wouldn't exactly say that they are resolutions, but it just happened to come at the same time.
One of the biggest things I need to overcome is the want for a man in my life. Ever since I was 15 I have had a boyfriend, or some other type of guy friend who I would use to make me feel needed and loved. Gary (the ex I dated for 5 years) occasionally calls me at 2 AM after a night at the bar, and I hate to admit it, but sometimes I would go over there to spend the night. I entertained the thought that he still loved me and this is what kept me coming back. I have vowed not to do that anymore. I will not be the girl he uses for late night and who uses him for a false sense of hope. Gary is out of my life for good now, and I refuse to let him in or hope to let him in as anything more than a friend.
With the exception of Gary, all of my other relationships began with the drunk hook-up that turned into...'oh I might actually like this person'. Well, not anymore. I want to be in a relationship that starts with a date, not a late night. I think this will go a long way in helping me find the right person.
My biggest and probably most important underlying problem is self-confidence. Although I was voted most attractive and best dressed junior and senior year in high school, I still feel like I could always look better. Not only does my self-confidence suffer in appearance, but also in the personality department. I can define all of my friends with one word that describes their passion. I have mentioned this before, but I can't do that for myself. Not having a true passion and vision for my future really affects my lack of self-confidence. I would love to work on this aspect of myself by trying new things and finding something that I am good at and can call my passion.
My final fault that I will be working on is my lack of motivation or determination. This affects my life in many different ways (i.e. exercise, nutrition, activities with friends, work). I have become so averse to change that it affects this determination. My fear of the unknown grows everyday and I realize this is something I need to get under control before it seriously affects me.
I'm taking a personal wellness class (I have mentioned before) and with the tools I learn there and the right mindset, I hopefully will be able to work on all of these faults. Being able to write them down and organize my thoughts is really helpful and will also help me to stick to my commitment. I believe that you can't change until you want to change, and I definitely do. I am hopeful and optimistic about the ways my life will improve as I conquer these hurdles.
PS Tonight is the season premiere of American Idol! Ahhh! And Scrubs is on! Wooo!
One of the biggest things I need to overcome is the want for a man in my life. Ever since I was 15 I have had a boyfriend, or some other type of guy friend who I would use to make me feel needed and loved. Gary (the ex I dated for 5 years) occasionally calls me at 2 AM after a night at the bar, and I hate to admit it, but sometimes I would go over there to spend the night. I entertained the thought that he still loved me and this is what kept me coming back. I have vowed not to do that anymore. I will not be the girl he uses for late night and who uses him for a false sense of hope. Gary is out of my life for good now, and I refuse to let him in or hope to let him in as anything more than a friend.
With the exception of Gary, all of my other relationships began with the drunk hook-up that turned into...'oh I might actually like this person'. Well, not anymore. I want to be in a relationship that starts with a date, not a late night. I think this will go a long way in helping me find the right person.
My biggest and probably most important underlying problem is self-confidence. Although I was voted most attractive and best dressed junior and senior year in high school, I still feel like I could always look better. Not only does my self-confidence suffer in appearance, but also in the personality department. I can define all of my friends with one word that describes their passion. I have mentioned this before, but I can't do that for myself. Not having a true passion and vision for my future really affects my lack of self-confidence. I would love to work on this aspect of myself by trying new things and finding something that I am good at and can call my passion.
My final fault that I will be working on is my lack of motivation or determination. This affects my life in many different ways (i.e. exercise, nutrition, activities with friends, work). I have become so averse to change that it affects this determination. My fear of the unknown grows everyday and I realize this is something I need to get under control before it seriously affects me.
I'm taking a personal wellness class (I have mentioned before) and with the tools I learn there and the right mindset, I hopefully will be able to work on all of these faults. Being able to write them down and organize my thoughts is really helpful and will also help me to stick to my commitment. I believe that you can't change until you want to change, and I definitely do. I am hopeful and optimistic about the ways my life will improve as I conquer these hurdles.
PS Tonight is the season premiere of American Idol! Ahhh! And Scrubs is on! Wooo!
1.08.2009
Yay for Sleep! and School?
I finally was able to fall asleep easily and got a good rest last night! The previous night (when I wrote the last post) was hell. I know I fell asleep at some point because I had a dream, but I know I was only asleep for max. 3 hours. And of course my dream was about Dru. We were happy and together and things were all good. Then reality hit when it was time to wake up and go to school.
On a happier note, the first day back yesterday was surprisingly pleasant! I had three classes yesterday: the first was a class that teaches how to live better (nutrition, behavior, exercise), the second is Product Management with one of my favorite teachers, and finally Pilates. I am so excited about this particular class because I have always been interested in getting into Yoga and/or Pilates. I used to take a class at my gym, but since I quit last spring I haven't been doing much. Also, I have the same teacher for my well-being class as my pilates class and she is AWESOME! Today I have two classes this afternoon, both which I expect to be incredibly boring.
I'm very happy the new semester (and my last semester) got off to such a great start. Although things aren't going smoothly in my love life, I'm grateful to have something to look forward to. I've also been staying pretty busy to keep my mind off of things. With school and work each day, I really need to plan out my time to get as much done as possible. We also have some friends that moved into our apartment complex in the beginning of December that have been amazing over the past month or so. They are sweet guys who are always up for doing something fun (a definite plus in taking my mind off of Dru).
Tonight is the college football national championship and we have rented the theater room at our apartment complex to watch the game with our friends. I'm excited because my dad went to OU and is still a hardcore fan. He is so happy when their team does well, so I really hope they win tonight. I think I may be the only OU fan in attendance, but oh well...I'm the loudest screamer so it should be about equal on that front.
Another thing going on in my life: a job hunt. More on that later though...I want you to see what my grandma gave me for Christmas. It's oh so pretty! It is a bracelet with genuine turquoise stones by a jewelry designer named Lia Sophia. Check her out...she has a wide variety of styles! 
On a happier note, the first day back yesterday was surprisingly pleasant! I had three classes yesterday: the first was a class that teaches how to live better (nutrition, behavior, exercise), the second is Product Management with one of my favorite teachers, and finally Pilates. I am so excited about this particular class because I have always been interested in getting into Yoga and/or Pilates. I used to take a class at my gym, but since I quit last spring I haven't been doing much. Also, I have the same teacher for my well-being class as my pilates class and she is AWESOME! Today I have two classes this afternoon, both which I expect to be incredibly boring.
I'm very happy the new semester (and my last semester) got off to such a great start. Although things aren't going smoothly in my love life, I'm grateful to have something to look forward to. I've also been staying pretty busy to keep my mind off of things. With school and work each day, I really need to plan out my time to get as much done as possible. We also have some friends that moved into our apartment complex in the beginning of December that have been amazing over the past month or so. They are sweet guys who are always up for doing something fun (a definite plus in taking my mind off of Dru).
Tonight is the college football national championship and we have rented the theater room at our apartment complex to watch the game with our friends. I'm excited because my dad went to OU and is still a hardcore fan. He is so happy when their team does well, so I really hope they win tonight. I think I may be the only OU fan in attendance, but oh well...I'm the loudest screamer so it should be about equal on that front.
Another thing going on in my life: a job hunt. More on that later though...I want you to see what my grandma gave me for Christmas. It's oh so pretty! It is a bracelet with genuine turquoise stones by a jewelry designer named Lia Sophia. Check her out...she has a wide variety of styles!
1.07.2009
Yes it is 1:30 AM
I'm laying in my bed writing this post because I can't sleep. I
haven't been able to sleep since things went bad with Dru. Not only is
my sleep suffering, but I haven't been eating as well. The only times
I can actually fall asleep is when I've been drinking. I know that
sounds bad but don't worry y'all...no intervention needed yet.
haven't been able to sleep since things went bad with Dru. Not only is
my sleep suffering, but I haven't been eating as well. The only times
I can actually fall asleep is when I've been drinking. I know that
sounds bad but don't worry y'all...no intervention needed yet.
Here I am on the night before the start of my last semester as a
college student and I can't do anything but think about him. It is
honestly like this every night. I watch tv until I feel tired, shut it
off, turn on my fan for noise, say my prayers and then it sets in.
Whatever I try to think of that specifically has nothing to do with
Dru always ends up leading back to him somehow. I try not thinking of
anything (which NEVER works-who suggests that?) and I even try
counting sheep. Last time I did that it led me to think of farm
animals then to think of the weekend his farm caught fire which was
also the weekend he was supposed to come visit. It is an endless
vicious cycle that I can not escape.
It is driving me crazy. The lack of sleep is affecting my skin, my
attitude and basically my overall wellbeing. I could go to the store
and get some over the counter sleep aids, but I'm not a big fan of
medicine and I know that is just a short term solution to a much
deeper problem. No matter how much I sleep, the hurt will still be
there when I wake up.
I realize this is the "gettig over it" part of all break ups but I
feel like it shouldn't take this long. With everyday that goes by and
I continue to be depressed, I hate him more and more for it. For not
ever responding or giving me closure. I don't want to hate him but I
do. I wanted to believe he was a good person but now his actions (or
lack thereof) make me doubt my judgement.
Well it feels better to talk about it. Hopefully it will clear my mind
and lead to a peaceful sleep (highly unlikely). If anyone has sleep
suggestions I would love to hear them!
Sleep tight!
1.06.2009
First Post in 09
Happy New Year everyone! I have been on a somewhat of a hiatus due to the holidays and my Dru-induced depression. I hate to be a debbie-downer, but the situation between the two of us caused me to be incredibly sad. I have to say it was the worst Christmas that I can remember. I'm not asking for pity, but I like to use this blog to express things I wouldn't normally say out loud. So I never heard from Dru after the email, and don't expect to. I've said it before, and you are probably tired of hearing about this, but I JUST DON'T GET WHY!? I honestly didn't think he was that type of person. But whatever, I am putting it behind me and moving on (ha...easier said than done). I won't bother y'all with my Dru issues anymore because it is the same over and over again (that is a goal - not a promise).
It is a new year, and I probably should have made some resolutions, but I was too busy sitting on the couch crying for the past two weeks. But last night I couldn't sleep and decided I would spend my time trying to figure out how I was going to make myself a better person this year. I want to get motivated to find a job (since May is getting here a LOT faster than I suspected), I need to find a passion or a hobby (so I don't rely on a man to make me happy), and I'm swearing off bad relationship habits. My biggest relationship habit that will take some work is communication. I've learned my lesson there!
These are more long-term goals than resolutions but I guess that makes them more important. What were your resolutions?
PS - Sorry if my posts lack spunk...I'm honestly not completely on the happy side yet. Bare with me though, I'm getting there slowly but surely.
It is a new year, and I probably should have made some resolutions, but I was too busy sitting on the couch crying for the past two weeks. But last night I couldn't sleep and decided I would spend my time trying to figure out how I was going to make myself a better person this year. I want to get motivated to find a job (since May is getting here a LOT faster than I suspected), I need to find a passion or a hobby (so I don't rely on a man to make me happy), and I'm swearing off bad relationship habits. My biggest relationship habit that will take some work is communication. I've learned my lesson there!
These are more long-term goals than resolutions but I guess that makes them more important. What were your resolutions?
PS - Sorry if my posts lack spunk...I'm honestly not completely on the happy side yet. Bare with me though, I'm getting there slowly but surely.
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