Bitter Sweet Sunday

I cried today. A lot. For a man who I hardly know. An old headmaster of mine died this past week. I didn't even know he was sick. My sister used to babysit for him and his wife. They have the most beautiful children. I cried so much. I'm crying writing this. I don't know why. I haven't seen or even thought about this man in probably 6 years. He had testicular cancer that no one found until it had spread to his lungs. I hate cancer. I want it to go away and not hurt anymore wonderful people. I'm scared it will affect me. I'm scared I will loose someone I love. I hate death. It is permanent and takes so much away. That sounds stupid, but it is just so scary. The closest person to me to die was a good friend who commit suicide almost 3 years ago. That was hard. I miss her. I don't want to have to miss anyone else I love. 

His wife kept a blog throughout his journey (3 years). I read it today after I heard the news. It is pure, raw emotion. She discusses the emotional journey - even the worst parts. She expresses how angry she was at him for having cancer. And how angry the kids were at him for having cancer. She explained (without sparing any detail) how she felt at every step. I cried hardest when she described a moment between her son and husband. The son was angry at the father for being sick. The son was scared. She described how the father talked with the son and how the son cried so hard his body convulsed. The son is probably 10 years old. I was so sad. I haven't been this sad in a long time.

I knew him as a headmaster, and not much more. But through her blog I have learned what a magnificent person he was. I am relieved for his wife that the long struggle is over, but I am incredibly sad for the family as well. He was a man committed to making education a better institution and I am sad that he is gone. It surprises me how much I am moved by this particular event. Reading her words and how he responded to the cancer, makes me want to live life for every moment. 

I want to make my life great. 

I want to positively impact as many people as I can. 

I want to stop living this materialistic, shallow life. 

What can I do? How do I change my life?

I'll end this post with a positive...Navy Boy called today. We got to talk for 40 minutes and I could hear him much better because he used a different phone. He wants me to come visit! I want to visit. I'll have to work on the details for that. I'll keep you posted.

Live everyday like it is your last. Love anyone and everyone. I'm going to make a change and it feels great.

Skinny Bitch! That's Me!

I have been pretty focused on exercising lately and even more so on decreasing my caloric intake. I have the livestrong app. on my iPhone which tells me how many calories I need to be taking in in order to achieve a goal. They do this by taking my weight, age and height and comparing it to my activity level. The app. tells me I should be in taking about 1600 calories in order to loose a pound a week. I'm not overweight by any stretch of the imagination but I want to loose the 5-8 lbs. I put on when I came to college.

This past weekend I hopped on the scale to find I have lost 5 lbs!!!! Yay!!! Go me!!! Here is what I do:
Breakfast-multi grain cheerios with skim milk and sliced strawberries
Lunch-usually a turkey sandwich on multi-grain bread
Dinner-Ellie Krieger’s egg salad wrap or other low cal recipe
Snacks: none (unless really needed, in that case I do the walnuts and cherries)
Caveat: I usually consume less than the advised calories and then do exercise to burn more...just to be sure

Exercise:Monday and Wednesdays I have a Pilates class for 50 mins. Also, 3-5 times a week I do Jillian Michaels' 30 day shred video. It is a quick but intense workout that incorporates strength, cardio and abs. I'm on level 2 now, but once I finish level 3 I'm going to buy her No More Trouble Zones because it is an hour long workout that focuses on a lot of places all of us ladies worry about.

Generally on the weekends I let go and drink and eat a lot. But I’m ok with that...if I didn't reward myself I would go crazy trying to eat/exercise perfectly all of the time. And I'm fairly certain my method is working for me - the proof is on the scale! I'm happy about the discipline I have incorporated into my life and the results I have seen, but I still have a ways to go. I have more goals to reach before being completely satisfied with my body.

Oh PS - no word from Navy Boy yet...expecting a letter this week though. If anyone has any thoughts on what to write to him about, please help me out!

LASIK anyone?

I've been having eye issues for the past 4 or so months. I have been wearing contacts since I was a junior in high school and LOVE them. I never really had a good pair of glasses for the first couple of years, but then I bought some Versace ones about 2 1/2 years ago and have been wearing them more often. Still, I didn't like wearing glasses and definitely wore my contacts too much. I would sleep in them often and didn't throw them away for months. I realize, now, that I should have listened to the doctors when they said to take proper care of them...but they are so darn expensive that I didn't want to just throw them away after 2 weeks!

One morning in October I woke up and noticed a red ring around my iris (where the contact sits) and the rest of my eye was bloodshot as well. Obviously, I didn't wear my contacts for a few days and things seemed to get better. The next time I put my contacts in the same thing happened. So I visited my eye doctor and he said to give my eyes a week to breathe then try my contacts again. Didn't work. I got drops and stopped wearing them for 6 weeks. Things were better. I could wear them for a few hours with minimal irritation and redness. I have kind of worked my way up to wearing them for longer periods but I still have redness, a swollen feeling and general discomfort after a day of wearing my contacts. I have been to my doctor multiple times but he seems to have no solution for me.

So my mom got the name of a different doctor and I plan on making an appointment with him ASAP. I have heard before that you can get to the point where you just aren't able to wear contacts anymore. I hope I am not there, but if I am I want to explore LASIK eye surgery as my graduation present. I've done some preliminary research on the internet and talked to one friend who had it done, but I don't have that much to go on. Have any of you had experience with it or known someone with a story to tell?