Pet Peeves

OK I talked to Navy Boy yesterday for an HOUR on the phone...ah. I'm usually not a big phone person, but the boy can keep some conversation alive! I'm pretty sure we are going to be hanging out this weekend. We may even be going to the beach together. No solid plans yet though, so I don't want to jinx anything. BUT...if we were to go to the beach together, he would be picking me up and we would be in the car together for over 2 hours. So, I starting thinking last night of topics to discuss and get to know each other better during the drive. The only thing I came up with was pet peeves. I think this is a great topic because if the other person points out a trait that you have, then you can work to correct it before it gets on their nerves. GENIUS!

I've been trying to think of my top 3 pet peeves...but it is harder than I thought. A TON of things bother me, but I can't freely recall them. Here is what I have come up with (in order of biggest pet peeve to medium-sized pet peeve):

1. A mooch. You know that friend that always promises to buy the beers if you buy the shots? Or lets you over-draft on your bank account because they didn't pay their bills on time and doesn't apologize or pay extra? Or always eats your left overs? (If you are a loyal reader you may know who I am referring to here).
2. A nonsensical liar. This one may be confusing, but there is one person in my life that drives me crazy with her lies. This person will tell a blatant lie for no good reason. I understand white lies to make people feel better and what-not. But why tell someone you don't know, and will never see again, that you ran the NY Marathon when, in fact, you have never even run a half-marathon? WHY?
3. Bad drivers. I'm not referring to the ass-hats that cut you off on the freeway, but more the stupid women (sorry ladies) who don't use the clearly designated TURN LANE to turn. Instead these idiots choose to slow to a complete stop in the left lane (read: fast lane) and then proceed to turn. These drivers are also usually the ones going 30 in a 35, or fail to see the Speed Limit 55 sign and continue to go 45.

What is your biggest pet peeve? Do you have any other topics you think I should bring up if Navy Boy and I wind up going to the beach together?

Dilemma #1

I have two dilemmas. I think I only have time to post one today though because I get off of work in 30. Hmm...which one should I choose?

OK I'll go with the sister problem.

I have a sister. Haley, for blogsake, is two years my senior (has graduated college obvi) and is working on her PhD in physical therapy.

You think to yourself, "Wow. Smart." Right?

Wrong.

She is book smart and all that and has normal common sense I guess, but she has one MAJOR flaw that bugs me soooo bad.

She lies.

I'm not talking she tells me she thinks a shirt looks good when it really doesn't. I'm talking she lies for NO REASON. If she wanted me to think it was a beautiful day in the city she lives in, despite the fact they actually had hail storms, she would lie about it. For example, when we were doing zip lines down a mountain in MEXICO (read:no potential guys for miles - only Mexican tour guides) she was bragging about how she did the New York Marathon.

Hold up. Wait a minute. Put a little lie in it.

She has not done the NYM, let alone a marathon, let alone a half marathon! WHAT!?! WHAT!?! WHY!?! Why on earth would she tell a Mexican tour guide (who was not attractive at all) that she had done this? What was she going to benefit from it?

Ok, don't think that is that weird? Try this one on for size:

When we were in high school (yes, she has been doing this for YEARS) I couldn't find a bathing suit I had recently bought. This bathing suit was banging. I mean it made me look good except for one part...it had this silly little fake bow sewed onto the front in between the boobs. I cut that shit off right when I brought it home. Cut to a few weeks later when I am searching for it. Hmm...maybe Haley borrowed it and just forgot to ask. I search Haley's room and find it. She happens to come in when I am taking it out of the drawer and is all, "Are you stealing my bathing suit?" Me: "What? No! This is mine, I thought you just borrowed it."

After arguing over the bathing suit for sometime we finally take matters downstairs to the problem solver - Mom. The whole time I knew she was lying, but I just couldn't figure out how to prove it. AH HAH! The bow! I explained the cutting off of the bow and all and finally won the situation. Haley looked stupid for lying and everyone knew she had.

So the past is the past right? Nope. Not for Haley. She continues to lie. About everything from stories she makes up about going out to important stuff. I really want to have a good relationship with my sister and be great friends because we are so close in age and live so close. But I get so annoyed with her and her antics that I can hardly stand to be around her. And 90% of the time I suspect she is lying. Should I confront her? If so, how? When? Ahhhhh. This sucks. Why hasn't she learned by now?

Southern Charm

So everyone should know by now that I am from the south. I say this with reservations though, because I wasn't born here. I have lived here for 10 years and consider that long enough. I love most all things southern, such as the food, accents, clothing, style, country clubs, etc. There is one thing, however, that I hate about the south. Rednecks.

There is a huge difference in being southern and being a redneck. I will do a comparison so it is easier to understand:

Southern:

Lilly Pulitzer

Jack Rodgers

Longchamp
Herve Chapelier

Cucumber sandwiches and tea

Cosmo's

BMW

Tennis at the club

Debutante

Redneck:

Wrangler

John Deere

Pig-Picking

Flannel

Jorts (jean shorts for those of you oblivious)

Fanny-pack

Chevy

Natural Light/Busch

County fair greased-pig-wrestling contest winner

Now, I hope this clears some things up. I realize the south would be completely different, and may not survive if it weren't for the rednecks...I mean who would do all of the farming for the endless amounts of organic produce I buy? And change the oil in my car? (Shallow and mean - I know...I know) But their cat calls and general douchebagary lead me to despise this particular...subgroup(for lack of a better word).

I came across this website (don't worry you don't have to click - I'm about to outline the important parts with pictures below). This is the ultimate redneck website, aside from the obvi John Deere, Wrangler and Tractor Supply. It epitomizes laziness and all things redneck.

Let me introduce...

The Motorized Cooler ScooterIs that Nicholas Cage?

Why walk when you can ride?! Our new rideable cooler’s 300 Watt electric motor propels you and up to 24 of your favorite 12 oz. beverages (and ice!) around the lot, beach, or neighborhood at up to 13 MPH. I'm pretty sure I walk faster than that.With a range of up to 15 miles per charge, you can take a load off while distributing beverages to friends and neighbors. You don't even need to get up thanks to the easy access beverage lid that lets you reach into the cooler while sitting on the top. What did I say about laziness? Rider capacity of 250 lbs (but we’ve field tested over 300). Well then why not say 300 lbs? Because I'm sure you would get a lot more customers.

Magnetic and Suction Coozies!

Now you can keep your favorite beverage nearby and free up an extra hand! The magnets in the coozie will easily hold your full can or bottle of your favorite beverage firmly against any metal surface - like the side of a car! I.E. 1990 van. Velcro straps allow you to tighten the coozie around the bottle or can. Use a paint pen to add your name to the coozie to make sure no one steals your beer! God forbid.And the Suction Coozie is designed to float, just in case you fumble your beverage while boating! Read: Driving around on a camouflage john boat drunk.

Drinking Buddy Polo Shirt

Keep your favorite beverage close to your heart! Keep your drink cold and free up a hand while tailgating, fishing, riding a tractor these are the guys you see pulled over by cops on their riding lawn mowers on the outrageous-cop-moment shows, boating and more! Contact us about custom logos! We can print your corporate logo on the pocket. Because every company wants to show off their alcoholics.

I hope I have provided you with ample entertainment to share with friends as we all laugh in unison at the arm-pit of Americans with whom I interact with on a daily basis.

Pet Peeve #1: Non-wavers

While driving if I let you in ahead of me, HAVE THE DECENCY TO WAVE. I have more important places to reach, and could get there faster if your P.O.S. wasn't in my way.

While driving if you cut me off, HAVE THE DECENCY TO WAVE. I know and you know that you have just done something rude. If you do so intentionally, I will see your wave as a hysterical sarcastic gesture; and commend you fellow road-rager, for I too, am that bitchy.